18-8-2009 - 37 week update

My mood while writing this blog: drained

Well, im 37 weeks today and I can tell the baby hasn't turned yet. I still feel his kicks down below rather than the top like the doc says they should be. Hubby is a little freaked out and wants to come back for at least one of my last 3 appts before my due date...but I think he got freaked out (probably because of the chance that I may have to get a c-section if baby doesn't turn in time) because when he was out of town he watched that show "I didn't know I was pregnant" but I told him that it wouldn't be the same he was probably watching an emergency c-section or something. He keeps talking to Tristan and turning circles with his fingers on my belly telling him to please turn around for us.

I was pretty emotional yesterday and began to feel angry and resentful (hubby wasn't home from work yet) it finally got to me, well got to me again since the week before Rena's birthday. I kinda exploded in front of the kids and my niece (I couldn't control myself and it wasn't directed at them, I just lost it and started talking to myself angrily), why can't any just help me out without me asking, my stupid husband sits there on the computer or watching tv and never lifts a finger to make things easier for me when he's home and then there's the constant whining from Rena I was thinking about too and wished that I didn't have to tell her to help me that she would just do it...even the things she has to do daily like taking care of her cats and cleaning her room. I hate that I am always after her to do stuff like, brushing her teeth, washing her face, getting dressed picking up after herself etc...I expect to that for my son because he's younger but its ridculous that I have to get after her for stuff. I was grouchy all day and then I felt bad for feeling so angry I started crying and felt bad.

My sister had a talk with Rena when she picked up her daughter and tried to explain things to her that I was going through and she has to stop whining and arguing with me and just do things for me without asking especially the stuff she has do to take care of herself and animals. I called my niece and told her I was sorry for her seeing me like that and that I was just frustrated and talking out loud to myself and I felt really bad about it...she said its okay auntie I love you and I told her I would see her the next day and then my sister called me back and we talked for awhile and I was still crying lol. I just told her it would be so nice if I didn't have to ask people to help me, Kris tells me to sit down or lay and relax all the time but then he doesn't do any cleaning or anything. I have to clean up everyday or I go insane from any mess I don't want to live in a pig stye and after 1 or even 2 days of not cleaning its hard to handle.

When Kris got home from work he could tell that something was wrong because I looked angry and then I couldn't stop crying still...and just cuddled with me and hugged my belly while I cried and I didn't bother telling him he was part of my problem...I didn't want to start anything I felt bad enough and there was a possibitity that he turn things around on me. Then he looked at me asked me if I wanted him to stay home now and not go out of town to work...I said no...because honestly I am better when he's not around, I don't sit there stewing while he sits there doing nothing. He was good in the beginining of the pregnancy but now he's not so helpful...he always tells me he's so exausted from hard labor he does at work so I try not get on him too much but it would still be nice if he could be like before and just offer...but there was a time in our relationship that we took turns going to school and working and so of course he was more helpful he was at home everyday.

Anyway I think I am done venting thanks for listening...my sister said maybe I just need a break because I never have any time to myself and I am always with the kids at home and asked if I wanted to ask mom to take the kids while we go to a movie together and said sure...so I am going on Friday or Saturday.