14-4-2008 - Feb 19, 2008

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Tuesday, 19 Feb

Hey there, Its been a while... Well I have lost a few pounds! Cant say Im upset about that! I am actually pretty happy about it! My m/s has subsided lately- which made for a pretty good 3 day weekend. Now I am back to work and feeling a little bit better. I went to the hospital last thursday- I had severe cramping and only on one side... so I was scared of having a tubal... They did an u/s - found a cyst on my ovary- and well there was only 1 heart beat! I still think they only saw one- cause I swear there is two! (or maybe just wishful thinking on my part.) I went to the gym for the first time in two weeks and suprisingly loved it. I didnt think I would miss it at all- but I did! Anyways- I have a doc appt this thursday- With my m/s kind of fading Iam also getting scared (with my miscarriage, I lost all my pregnancy symptoms.. scary!) Anyways, on a personal note- I got rather depressed on Saturday, with my first pregnancy with Hannah - I got a total of about 3-4 stretchmarks on my breasts... Well Since having her, I stupidly got a breast augmentation-(obviously never thinking of the effect of getting stretchmarks)So now when my boobs grow they are going to be massive and, well, I am scared to death that I will get so many stretch marks- like to the point where I cant wear any tank tops. Im getting depressed just thinking about it... Tom and I bought all kinds of lotions and I am putting (coating) myself with it every day- I am trying not to gain any more weight than I have too. I sound like a selfish cow- but I am just paranoid. I need to be thinking about the baby that comes out of it.. I just want to stay attractive for my husband..and during pregnancy I have a feeling that can be hard...