23-4-2008 - *Sigh*

My mood while writing this blog: Sad, depressed

Well, I dont know where to begin, I have managed to depress the hell out of myself. I was going through the baby photobook and came across a picture that I immediatley started sobbing at. A poor mom gave birth to a baby girl who was born "sleeping" I can't seem to get over that. I feel so sorry for her. At the same time, I keep putting myself in her situation and I just can't seem to get passed it. Then I googled "still born" and come accross a site that has been dedicated to infant death, miscarriage, and Still birth,. GBS. An infection, that if it comes into contact with the baby can cause death, It is the number one death causer in newborns.. GREAT.

Even worse I start to read the parents who's child has died, about how they were GBS+ and the doc only said "It's no big deal, we will put you on antibiotics during labor..." well I guess some women had it bad and the babies didnt even make it to labor... or the baby still got it and died a month later, from seizures, low heart rate etc.... SO now I have managed to scare the living sh*t out of myself and cant come out of it.

Even as I write this I can feel the baby kicking me constantly, as if trying to cheer me up... Then my pessimistic head thinks yeah, I feel you in there, please dont ever stop like so many woman have gone through and are going through. Ugh, My doctor is now going to get harrassed about this. . . Poor guy wont even get a warning April 14th. I will want to be tested for GBS every appt.. Also found one thing my docs office is doing right... They dont do regular exams which put the baby at greater risk in getting the infection closer to them in the womb... So now I am probably scaring you.. I dont mean to, and I apologize, Just get educated. Im glad I did, even though now I am depressed.

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