06-6-2008 - What happened to yesterday???

My mood while writing this blog: blessed / thankful

I have to remind myself of my feelings at this very moment...that is what this blog is about.

At this point in life and my pregnancy, I am amazed to see how fast time really goes. I caught myself in a state of awe when I realized that in just 6 weeks I will be in my third trimester of my final pregnancy. It seems like 2 months ago I found out I was expecting. This pregnancy has -BY FAR- been the fastest to progress...well it seems to be. Now, I'm saying this knowing that in 2-3 months I will be praying for it to be over with because I'm hot, fat and swollen...but since I know this is how I will be, I'm documenting what I feel at this very moment. I'm contributing the fast progression of this pregnancy to the fact that the state of excitement isn't quite as it was with my first or my third..which was my first with my current husband.

Now, with that being said I have to go back to a previous comment. This pregnancy is MY LAST! What happened to my first? Second? Etc.

I am 30 years old in November. 30!!! Not that I think this is old...because in all reality, it isn't. But to reminisce about years gone by I think, wow....What happened to my early teens? Upper teens? Early twenties? Granted, I had my first child young (18), I don't feel as though I missed out on anything, I just wonder what happened to him being a baby. We all hear people say, "Enjoy the time while you have it" or "Take advantage of them while their little." All in all, they are so right!

My oldest is just over 11 yrs old and I so wish it was possible or feasible to record every second of every day with him, then include my daughter when she was born in 1999. Wouldn't it be nice to just hit rewind and go back and really soak up those times we didn't take advantage of? Times we now wish we could remember every tiny detail of that incident or even make a note because we know we will want to recall a certain smell or feeling. To merely be able to close our eyes and go back to that time and feel that sense of relief when they're born but fear because now you not only have to keep yourself alive in this world-you now have a child to protect, to witness their first smile, their first giggle, first step, the first time they really made the connection for a kiss and hug and to hear them say in that soft voice "I love you" for the first time.

These are the moments I wish I could get back. Not to stay in the past because we all have greater things that the future holds for us...but to just get it back for a moment. It's because of these thoughts that I am determined to live life for today. Not worry about how long it will take to pay off our debt or to make sure we have a fluffy savings account. Take a vacation, eat things that aren't healthy, do whatever it takes to create memories with your family and make your life worth it. I won't leave behind a great legacy when I pass on but what I will leave behind are plenty of memories that my children will be able to look back on and say, "you know what...the house wasn't always spotless and mom and dad had rough times but we always did things together. We took vacations (whether a day or a week) and created these memories that help me remember us as a family." As long as I leave that behind....I think I'm doing ok. Remember, we start to die the minute we are born. Therefore, if we are all going to pass on, why not live life enjoyably. Live for today...you never know if tomorrow will come.

Thanks for reading!!!