29-7-2008 - Just me..

My mood while writing this blog: here

I just wanted to post a blog to remind myself of things I went through with this pregnancy. I'm trying tediously to enjoy this pregnancy since it will be my last. Women...I guess people in general, take these 40 weeks we carry our unborn(s) for granted and don't actually see the joy in creating a new life. I, a mother of 3 already, know how hard it is to be pregnant and all the aches and pains accompanied with it. Regardless, I am TRYING to enjoy it and make note of what my sweet Olivia's movements feel like or made me think of...I'm trying to enjoy it. Oh, how hard that is!!!

Ok, now that I've let you all know that I am really trying...I get to vent. LOL I usually don't vent too much because I know everything I am dealing with is normal and I am the one that wanted to be pregnant, so I might as well suck it up and deal with it. Well, sometimes we just need to release..right? So here I go.

I'm sooooo tired! I don't sleep anymore!

Last night I got the whole 4 hours of sleep. Woopty-Frickin doo! It's not that I'm too sore or have to get up to use the restroom...I just WAKE up. I had this same issue when I was pregnant with my 3 yr old and it's the one aspect I don't enjoy with pregnancies. I say that as if there is only one! hahahaha

Let's see, sciatic nerve...let's talk about that. You think you are getting out of your chair for a quick trip to the restroom but you notice when you set your foot down to take a step you are ready to collapse because you have a hot poker being shot through your butt cheek down to your thigh. How can anyone possibly walk with a poker sticking out of their ass?? Again, another thing I went through with my last pregnancy but sheesh. Now I get it rolling over in bed...all of this while I'm wide awake and getting cramps.

OH, let's talk about the cramps-or charlie horses if you would like to call them that. Who ever heard of a charlie horse in your toe??? Arch of your foot? Calves? All you want to do is take the poker out of your ass and shove it in your cramp but nooooo! Why, because you can't move to do either. Your belly is too big to reach neither your cramp or the poker and your leg or foot is arched like you are disabled while you're moaning trying to pull the poker out of your ass while making a trip to the bathroom on 5 seconds of sleep! And people wonder why pregnant women have mood swings. I now know why some animals eat their young or leave them at birth! They are relieved that they don't have to deal with this stuff anymore. Luckily... we aren't animals because then we would have dealt with the lack of sleep, toes stuck in positions that shouldn't be possible, hot pokers in your ass, lack of feasible movement ...FOR NOTHING. At least we get to bring our sweet babies home, right?

Well, lately I've been thinking about that. When I finally do get the relief of all the things I've listed above...I then get to be even MORE emotional than I was when I was pregnant. Why you ask? Because now I look at this sweet, precious baby...it's wonderful...until you have to change clothes because you realize you are leaking at both ends of your abdomen. Once this is taken care of you then have to become the milking machine to keep this sweet creature alive, which makes you think...these jugs of milk use to be for sheer pleasure. This thought, then leads to the thought of how your husband....yes, your husband...the one that loves you so much because you have brought this wonderful being into the world that the two of you created while using your milk jugs as a pleasure toy....will now look at you differently. You worry that he will never look at you the same...I mean, he watched you push this whole other person out of something, again..that was used for pleasure and now you are taking his other toy away to feed this person. On top of all this, you certainly don't have your figure back...ya know, the one that you weren't happy with before you got pregnant but pray to God that he at least give you back what you had and you'll never complain again. Your husband liked your baby bump and loved to rub it but now...you still look pregnant but with no belly to rub with boobs bigger than Pamela Andreson's that he can't touch or play with. You eventually come back to reality because it's time to switch utters for the newborn. While you're doing this...you gather all these thoughts and burst into tears because your pregnancy hormones are still raging on top of post partum depression.

So why did I want to do this again?? Because, isn't being pregnant the most wonderful thing in the world.....whether you enjoy being pregnant, have horrible morning sickness where you lose 15 lbs the first trimester just to realize you have gained 50 in the second and third...then your kid comes out a whole 5 lbs. Regardless, it's amazing! You can have a traumatic, agonizing pregnancy and delivery but as soon as you look at that sweet baby you helped bring to life...you feel nothing but joy. No pain, no horrible thoughts...just overcome with pure joy because of the sheer beauty of what you created!

Ok, I think I'm done on my roller coaster of emotions...just wanted to note this remember. Thanks for reading!