06-3-2009 - D&C

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Well, yesterday was my D&C. I cried in the car on the way there, waiting in the waiting room and actually on the table in the surgical room until the meds kicked in and I fell asleep. Everyone was really nice though and many of the nurses shared their stories with me too-it's amazing how many people have been through this and it is good to know they went on to have more beautiful babies when they were ready. Andy was a rock and there with me every step of the way, thank god. While I was waiting to be taken into the surgical room both of us kept questioning whether this was the right decision...maybe we should've had a 2nd opinion ultrasound (although we saw the heart beating at 8 weeks and then saw no heartbeat at 11 weeks along with no growth since week 8). You just grasp at straws and even if you KNOW it's over you just can't wrap your mind around it fully I guess. Ultimately, it was the right decision, we know. It left me with a pretty empty feeling but getting home to Miles really helped. Holding him is total therapy! Some of you may think this is silly but it felt really right to us so we signed up for a communal burial/memorial service through the hospital. It will take place this spring and is for all families that lost babies before 20 weeks gestation between the months of October and April. There is actually a grave stone with a poem about how some people come into our lives briefly but touch our hearts forever-no names or dates, just simple and a nice way to find some closure and say good bye.

Andy went in and talked to his contract company and they seemed really positive so hopefully he will be back to work soon as well. I think it will be good for him to get back to a schedule and routine. With the miscarriage starting the same day he lost his job, I know he feels slightly responsible even though by no means was it his fault! The baby had been gone for a couple weeks already-we just didn't know.

It has been a rough week but thank you to all of the poeple who have messaged me or just kept us in their thoughts and prayers...I hope you don't mind that I continue to check in with "my week" so I can see those beautiful baby pictures in September! Best of luck and all my love to you, ladies! Talk to you soon.