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mumofsix
	Age: 36 Country: New Zealand Province/region: Auckland City: Auckland Partner: Married Children: Yes, 6 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Mum/P.A for home business/Home schooler
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24-9-2008 - the things no one tells you no39. I want to cry

My mood while writing this blog:
Ok

I want to talk a bit about post natal depression. This is not something that I have personally ever had and as I am not an expert, this is only from my observation of others around me.

Most of us will have times of feeling overwhelmed during pregnancy and times of feeling down once baby has arrived. With tiredness that you have never felt before and the demand of a new born, things can be a little more difficult to manage. Usually, amongst feeling this way, we will still be able to smile and enjoy our baby but for some, things progress a bit further and depression sets in. This depression causes those who are experiencing it to be unable to enjoy their baby and life in general becomes too hard to cope with.

I am not here to give advice on post natal depression but to give some ideas on how to cope.

It is my observation that post natal depression is more common in the western culture where family networks are spread out and there is not much support.

I was visiting my Indian friend the other day after she had just given birth 5 days before. She was feeling weepy because she did not have her family around her this time as she is now living in New Zealand. If she had been living in India she would have gone home to her mother and had weeks of being cared for and pampered with massage, meals prepared and baby looked after. It was very foreign to be on her own and she was already feeling the tears flowing.

My personal view to help keep on top of things is to have a good support network around you. It may not keep the blues away entirely but it will help. If you do not have family around you then ask some friends to help out.

I have always made a point to make new mums a meal and when it was my turn, I ended up with 2 weeks of meals. You can't expect everyone to drop everything for you if you are not prepared to help out others. Start doing for others what you would find helpful. It could be a meal, cleaning, washing or looking after the older children. Be the instigator in putting a support network of friends together.

From observation, I see less postnatal depression in cultures that look after new Mums.

If you are struggling to find joy in your life and with your new baby, do seek help from friends and see your doctor. It can be a very sad and lonely place to be when you feel depressed and I realise not everyone has the support they need. I think it is an area that the west needs to be more aware of and we need to do more to look after our new Mums.

I am sure others who have been through or are going through depression, can leave some comments on how they coped and how others could have helped out.

16 Comments on the things no one tells you no39. I want to cry

blueeyes84 - Monday, 21 Mar
After i had my son i got weepy and anxious as soon as my bf went back to work .. luckily it only lasted a week i think i was just over whelmed that i couldnt take care of two children alone . I lived with my mom and dad but that didnt seem to matter lol i just wanted my bf

CountryMamma - Thursday, 27 Jan
this is what i am afraid of... my family lives 4 hours away i am going to be a young mom i am 22 years old and my bf works swing shift so i will be on my own for the most part but he is taking off 3 weeks when she is born!! THANK GOD! but neways i am anemic so i am sooo tieed i cant imagine being ne more tired then i am now!

SS82 - Thursday, 30 Sep
I also had post depression, I realized it on my own though. I never got as bad as that. I was more mean to everyone else. I yelled at my baby alot during the first couple of months and my poor husband took the brunt of my anger constantly he almost left me until I told him I could not deal and thought I should see the doctor. She put me on anti depressants what a diffrence I had never been on meds for this in my life and I could not believe how stiff and misarable I was inside until the pills made it go away. Amazing difference! Please people if you feel at all overly stressed out or just feel a tenseness that won't go away ask your doctor about it. I was on the pills for about 7 months and no I am ok on my own. Now I am 8 weeks with a new baby I am hoping it doesn't start all over but if it does I will talk to my doctor way sooner then I did with my first.

cdoyle80 - Monday, 16 Aug
Hi ladies- new here!Just thought I'd share my depression story.I was all gung-ho when I had my daughter. Couldn't wait to get her home and be a family. Then I did. Lolabout a week after I had her is when it started to sink in. I hated my daughter. I didn't want her. I remember telling my mom I was going to throw her across the living room if she didn't shut up. I just wanted her to go away. I didn't care where, or how. I got so bad I would completely ignore her. I would leave her laying in her bassinet for hours at time, crying. A few times I sat outside on my back porch and just left her inside. I wouldn't eat for days at a time. Wouldn't shower. Wouldn't get off my butt to do anything. My parents ended up coming over and bringing formula so they could feed her. I was originally trying to bf but since I wouldn't eat, I wasn't producing any milk for her. They came over one day while I was outside. My husband has taken time off work bc he noticed my change. I didn't think anything was wrong, just regretted the baby. While my dad was outside with me BEGGING me to get help, or meds, or counseling, I had no idea my husband, mom, and sister were inside packing my daughters things. They took her away from me that day until I got help. And to be honest, I didn't even care. She stayed with them for a month.Ladies, severe depression is horrible. And you don't know anything is wrong. At least not THAT bad. You're not in your right mind. I hate to say this, but I need to put the brutal honesty out there: after going through it, I fully understand how women hurt their babies. I'm not saying that's a good excuse at all!!!!! But it's a horrible thing to go through. And unless you've experienced it, well, you can't even imagine.My daughter is now your typical 2 yrs old turd. Lol And to this day I still have horrible guilt for the way I treated her. I feel awful for hating her so much. I breathe for this child. I wake up for her. I worship the ground she walks on and couldn't imagine loving anything more. She is truely my life.Now that I'm pregnant with number 2, we're taking precautions. I'm going to remain on my antidepressant for the whole duration. I didn't tell you guys all this to scare anyone. But it's real. I've been there, done that. If you feel yourself feeling anything negative, talk to someone. Let someone know. If they don't take you seriously, or they try to make it seem less serious, talk to someone else! Keep talking about it until someone sees.

sweettart - Friday, 4 Jun
to alinaiulia. Have you tried hypno-birthing? it's like ...WOW. I have tried natural births where you push till your face turns blue and then I found out about hypnobirthing and tried it that way. I will never again have another birth any other way. I hope everything goes well for you and I would recommend a natural birth vs. a c/s. go to hypnobirthing.com I love it. Good Luck!

alinaiulia - Thursday, 13 May
Hey!!! this website is "the bee's knees" when it comes to info and pics and believe me, i've been surfing everyday since i found out i am pregnant, a month ago.these tips are just minblowing, as i am having my first baby at 27 years old and feel really clueless about EVERYTHING!!!! I have been reading all the posts for about 7h continously!!! I am 9-10 weeks pregnant now and REALLY scared of not having a healthy baby and having to give him up, about labour as me and pain down there don't go very well. I assisted to my friend's natural labour 2 years ago and been freaked out of how much in pain she was that i don't think i can cope with it! so i really want a C- section but i heard they don't give u the option so u have to go for natural birth first and everytime i think about it(90% of the time) i can't help bursting into tears. i have SO MANY fears and i feel so lonely, as i am in UK and my mum is in Romania, so i can't really talk to her everyday, plus she is not a teller really. she told me not to go for a C section, but she was in coma for 2 weeks after she had me naturally, so i think thats another reason i'm really freaked out about the labour!!! My hubby is really stressed about work at the moment and i don't feel like telling him about my fears as i'm trying to be tough and support him. but when alone i tend to cry almost all the time, even now as i am writing this comment i'm crying my eyes out!!! i just need to talk to someone, pls!!!! thanks

adelaide.baby - Wednesday, 5 May
Hi. I'm new on here hope I write my comment in the right place...lol.Anyway.... I'm 10wks pregnant and due to move to Australia on the 23rd of June as my husband starts a job there for 12months... Although I/we are very excited at the prospect of moving to Aus' and the pregnancy - not to mention meeting our little one - I can't help feeling a little apprehensive. Yes I am worrying about how I am going to feel all that way over there, with no family or friends:( I have suffered depression on and off all my life - I'm 28 - I've had 4 major episodes since I was 19. Unfortunately I was on antidepressants when I found out I was pregnant, which my Dr and I stopped straight away.The next 12 months are probably going to be the most important and crazy, so far in my life. I am scared of the anticlimax after we arrive - when my husband starts work - I wont know anyone and can't work there now either. Yes I will try yo find out about some classes and groups I can join. But not having any of my family there is unnerving. However, what I fear most is after my baby is born....this is my first and to be alone is terrifing. Yes my hubby is amazing but we all need are girlfriends and family...I've heard baby blues are common a few days after baby arrives - I just don't want to let them go too far...If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it greatly.

teenztina - Friday, 12 Mar
peppy..your situation sounds just like mine.my girl is 16months and i think i still have some depression.i feel so lonely and frustrated whenever she screams.i cant talk to anyone..my mom gets sad,my friend thinks she is the best mom ever,gossipie and such a show off. only comfort is these sites,where i can find other moms with the same prob and their advises.

klderoos - Monday, 14 Dec
My baby is 14 months now and I have another on the way, I felt very alone and isolated when my daughter arrived it was a huge adjustment for me to be a stay at home mum as I was used to going of to a high powered high paying job each day, I felt my identity had changed so much after becoming a mum that I ofetn didn't know who I was or who I was supposed to be, I've taken it day by day and am really enjoying my role now but not after some very dark and sad moments. Ask for help where ever you can and get some time for yourself, I swim once a week and although that does not sound like much the two hours I have to myself at the pools is heaven on earth.

mamatess - Tuesday, 23 Jun
I think I've been a little depressed since the baby was born 7.5 months ago. I have had virtually no help. I have helped all of my friends and family, but they have their own children now or live far away, so they can't help me the way I helped them and it has been all up to me. That's a lot. I had to go back to work part time before my baby was 8 weeks, and now I'm having to go to work full time to make ends meet. I feel resentful and angry and I feel like it is wholly unnatural for a mother to have to leave her child for 10 hours with another person! What kind of weird, sick joke is this?!

peppy29 - Saturday, 16 May
I haven't been diagnosed but I have a feeling I have the depression. Every time I'm alone, I fall apart, and the scary part is the suicidal thoughts. When the father is at work, I'm alone with the baby and there often isn't anyone to come and help me. I have never felt so helpless before....I'm not really supposed to be exercising yet, so I can't even find joy in dance quite yet.
And it's almost another month before I can see the doctor.

twinsandmore77 - Wednesday, 18 Feb
I was never diagnosed, but after my second baby I was very depressed. The external situation I was in was the major cause (my husband had to move ahead of us to Denver and I had to wait till I had the baby to join him). I was sure when I got back with him everything would be fine. Well, it wasn't. I had no support system that worked for me. I was in a new town and living with my in-laws at first. I was just finally getting to be a SAHM and I was miserable. I thought I was the worst mother in the world. I would cry, eat, sleep a lot, and just felt like I was in a fog. Eventually things got better. Exercise really can help, I don't know why, endorphins, sweating, just getting out. Experts have all kinds of reason, but it does have an immediate effect. If you can, get out in the sun. The sun always made me feel better and getting out of the house (even walking through the mall) sometimes helped me. Doing things for others also has a good effect. I was able to finally stop thinking about myself all the time and worry about someone else. Finally finding a good supportive moms group. I don't believe in griping to others, but as a mom sometimes you just need to vent (and after a while our husbands sometimes are tired of hearing it). Other moms are the best people to have an understanding ear. Depression can get much worse than I had it so if you think something is wrong say something. You don't want to live that way for long and there are many physical and medical things that can help you.

cosita - Friday, 30 Jan
Post partum depression is VERY real. I couldn't stop crying. It didn't help that my son was in the NICU either. Any little thing would set me off, it was crazy. I had then, and still have a great support network. Aside from my son's father no one knew that I was experiencing this. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to alarm anyone.

donnaq - Monday, 5 Jan
This happened to me. Four days after giving birth and was home from the hospital I couldn't stop crying. The tears just rolled on forever. I was thankful to have friends and family and then I was fine. I have heard this and have now experienced it.

stormyluv - Tuesday, 30 Dec
Dear Youre, I just wanted to say this probably depends on who your midwife and GP are as some will ring social services without telling you and make your life a complete nightmare of appointments and accusations and negative projections, without offering you any support AT ALL. By all means ask for help but be really sure you can trust the person/s you ask to actually help.

nayster01 - Thursday, 25 Sep
You are so right, I had my 6 week post partum check on Tuesday and everything is good apart from my sanity, so yesterday a friend came and got me and took me and my baby out for the day and i feel like a new person. Dont suffer alone, reach out xxxx

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