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mumofsix
	Age: 36 Country: New Zealand Province/region: Auckland City: Auckland Partner: Married Children: Yes, 6 Pregnant: Not anymore Occupation: Mum/P.A for home business/Home schooler
	Online: 50 days ago. Last updated: 484 days ago. Member since: 660 days
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24-9-2008 - the things no one tells you no39. I want to cry

My mood while writing this blog:
Ok

I want to talk a bit about post natal depression. This is not something that I have personally ever had and as I am not an expert, this is only from my observation of others around me.

Most of us will have times of feeling overwhelmed during pregnancy and times of feeling down once baby has arrived. With tiredness that you have never felt before and the demand of a new born, things can be a little more difficult to manage. Usually, amongst feeling this way, we will still be able to smile and enjoy our baby but for some, things progress a bit further and depression sets in. This depression causes those who are experiencing it to be unable to enjoy their baby and life in general becomes too hard to cope with.

I am not here to give advice on post natal depression but to give some ideas on how to cope.

It is my observation that post natal depression is more common in the western culture where family networks are spread out and there is not much support.

I was visiting my Indian friend the other day after she had just given birth 5 days before. She was feeling weepy because she did not have her family around her this time as she is now living in New Zealand. If she had been living in India she would have gone home to her mother and had weeks of being cared for and pampered with massage, meals prepared and baby looked after. It was very foreign to be on her own and she was already feeling the tears flowing.

My personal view to help keep on top of things is to have a good support network around you. It may not keep the blues away entirely but it will help. If you do not have family around you then ask some friends to help out.

I have always made a point to make new mums a meal and when it was my turn, I ended up with 2 weeks of meals. You can't expect everyone to drop everything for you if you are not prepared to help out others. Start doing for others what you would find helpful. It could be a meal, cleaning, washing or looking after the older children. Be the instigator in putting a support network of friends together.

From observation, I see less postnatal depression in cultures that look after new Mums.

If you are struggling to find joy in your life and with your new baby, do seek help from friends and see your doctor. It can be a very sad and lonely place to be when you feel depressed and I realise not everyone has the support they need. I think it is an area that the west needs to be more aware of and we need to do more to look after our new Mums.

I am sure others who have been through or are going through depression, can leave some comments on how they coped and how others could have helped out.

7 Comments on the things no one tells you no39. I want to cry

mamatess - Tuesday, 23 Jun
I think I've been a little depressed since the baby was born 7.5 months ago. I have had virtually no help. I have helped all of my friends and family, but they have their own children now or live far away, so they can't help me the way I helped them and it has been all up to me. That's a lot. I had to go back to work part time before my baby was 8 weeks, and now I'm having to go to work full time to make ends meet. I feel resentful and angry and I feel like it is wholly unnatural for a mother to have to leave her child for 10 hours with another person! What kind of weird, sick joke is this?!

peppy29 - Saturday, 16 May
I haven't been diagnosed but I have a feeling I have the depression. Every time I'm alone, I fall apart, and the scary part is the suicidal thoughts. When the father is at work, I'm alone with the baby and there often isn't anyone to come and help me. I have never felt so helpless before....I'm not really supposed to be exercising yet, so I can't even find joy in dance quite yet.
And it's almost another month before I can see the doctor.

twinsandmore77 - Wednesday, 18 Feb
I was never diagnosed, but after my second baby I was very depressed. The external situation I was in was the major cause (my husband had to move ahead of us to Denver and I had to wait till I had the baby to join him). I was sure when I got back with him everything would be fine. Well, it wasn't. I had no support system that worked for me. I was in a new town and living with my in-laws at first. I was just finally getting to be a SAHM and I was miserable. I thought I was the worst mother in the world. I would cry, eat, sleep a lot, and just felt like I was in a fog. Eventually things got better. Exercise really can help, I don't know why, endorphins, sweating, just getting out. Experts have all kinds of reason, but it does have an immediate effect. If you can, get out in the sun. The sun always made me feel better and getting out of the house (even walking through the mall) sometimes helped me. Doing things for others also has a good effect. I was able to finally stop thinking about myself all the time and worry about someone else. Finally finding a good supportive moms group. I don't believe in griping to others, but as a mom sometimes you just need to vent (and after a while our husbands sometimes are tired of hearing it). Other moms are the best people to have an understanding ear. Depression can get much worse than I had it so if you think something is wrong say something. You don't want to live that way for long and there are many physical and medical things that can help you.

cosita - Friday, 30 Jan
Post partum depression is VERY real. I couldn't stop crying. It didn't help that my son was in the NICU either. Any little thing would set me off, it was crazy. I had then, and still have a great support network. Aside from my son's father no one knew that I was experiencing this. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want to alarm anyone.

donnaq - Monday, 5 Jan
This happened to me. Four days after giving birth and was home from the hospital I couldn't stop crying. The tears just rolled on forever. I was thankful to have friends and family and then I was fine. I have heard this and have now experienced it.

stormyluv - Tuesday, 30 Dec
Dear Youre, I just wanted to say this probably depends on who your midwife and GP are as some will ring social services without telling you and make your life a complete nightmare of appointments and accusations and negative projections, without offering you any support AT ALL. By all means ask for help but be really sure you can trust the person/s you ask to actually help.

nayster01 - Thursday, 25 Sep
You are so right, I had my 6 week post partum check on Tuesday and everything is good apart from my sanity, so yesterday a friend came and got me and took me and my baby out for the day and i feel like a new person. Dont suffer alone, reach out xxxx

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