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15-9-2009 - Morgan Ann Is With God

My mood while writing this blog: unsure.

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(sorry this is long, but it was a long day)

On Monday September 14th, 2009, around 9:25am, I started to get cramp, (I thought I had to fart) so I kindda pushed the fart out, and went on doing what I was doing. Then about 5 minutes later I got another one. So went to the bathroom and did my business, and I felt a little better, and again went back to doing what I was doing. Well, the cramps started to closer, and I thought to myself "I bet I am just a little dehydrated" because I didn't eat at all yet that morning. So I went and ate some cereal, and as I ate, I started to time my "cramps" first they were every 3 minutes apart, last about 15-20 seconds. Then by the time I told my mom what was happening, they were every 2 minutes apart, and finally when we got a hold of the Nurse Hotline, they were every 1 minute apart. My doc told me to come up the Hospital ASAP. My Mom and I hopped in the car, and drove 45 minutes to the Hospital.

When we got the Clinic, my doc tried to listen to the heartbeat, but like all the other times she has tried to listen to it, she couldn't find it. (At that time, I still didn't think anything was wrong.) Then she did a cervical exam, and she said that I was pretty much closed, but something was bulging in the middle of my cervix. We went to the Ultrasound room, and the Tech put the transducer on my belly, I could see my little baby wasn't moving. They tried to listen to the heartbeat, but the Tech keep saying she was not in a good position to find it (load of crap). Then the Tech did a quick measurement of the head, and it only measured, 16.4wks. And I started to shake my head "NO." My mom asked me what was wrong, and I said that "The baby should NOT measure that small." The Tech measured the legs, and they measured 18.4wks. Then they did a transvaginal, and my cervix was clearly open, and my baby was no longer thriving inside of me. Before the doctor or tech could say anything to me, I said "She’s gone, isn't she?" And they confirmed that she has passed away about 1-3wks ago. As they finished the ultrasound they said it appears that I had a Placental Abruption. (But after I gave birth, that was NOT the case)

They took me to the Labor and Delivery Floor, and I was put in Room 394. This room has sentimental value. When I was pregnant with Riley, and I was having complications at 17wks, I was in that room for an Examination. Anyways, the Nurses got everything set for me, my mom left to get some lunch, and at the time, I tried to get a hold of Mitchell. I called him for about 45 minutes, and couldn't get him to answer his phone. So I laid down on my bed, and tried to breathe thru the contractions, by that time they were less than a minute apart and very strong. I asked for the Newbane to get some relief, but they couldn’t find a vein to put it in, so by the time they finally got it inserted, I was already pushing. I pushed very gently for about 5 minutes, and at 1:55PM, my Angel was born. She was 3.5oz and 7.5 inches. And at that exact same time, Mitch called me. I told him that our Angel had just been born. He was in total and complete shock.

She was still in her bag of water, when she was born. Her delivery couldn't have been better. My doctor feared I would have to have a D&C, but everything came out. My doctor was able to get Ammonic Fluid, as well as Placental Tissue, for testing to see what was wrong with her. As they cut the water bag open, it was very clear what was wrong with Morgan Ann. She has a severe Cleft Lip and Cleft Palette. Her two middle fingers, on both hands, we still fused together. Her ears and eyes didn't line up, which is a sign of Down Syndrome. And her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck 3 times very tightly.

I was able to hold her before they took her away to clean and dress her. And she was beautiful, even with all the problems she had, she was beautiful. I touched her little hands and feet, and they were perfect.

I sat in my room with my mom for a few hours, reading over options for funeral/memorial services and whatnot. My dad called, and my mom told him, Morgan was with God.

We had Morgan Blessed (Baptized) by the Hospital Chaplin. We had pictures taken of the ceremony, and then took some afterwards of me holding Morgan and some of her in her little outfit and blanket.

After sometime with Morgan, I asked the nurse to take her away. I got a Pink Heart Shaped box, filled with her outfit, blanket, her hospital bracelet, a seashell (with what she was Blessed with), an Eagle Pin, and a poem.

Morgan is going to have an Autopsy done to see what else could have been wrong with her. After she is released from the Hospital, we are going to have her cremated so that she will be with us always.

Please don’t be sorry for me. I always said God has a plan for this baby, and he did. She is our Angel in heaven, and Morgan will protect us. I am happy, as strange as it sounds. But if you think about it-She would have never had a normal life. God never gives you anything you can’t handle, and God knows that Mitch and I are able to handle this loss.

Certificate of Life

Hand & Foot Prints

* * * Remembering Morgan * * *

Ashley made this for Morgan, it is beautiful! Thanks Ashley!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Morgan's Memorial Site

http://morgan-meier.memory-of.com/

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I was looking for a poem. And I never found anything that suited this situation. A dear friend of mine (Britt) found this poem. And its perfect! (Thanks a milion Brittany!!)

I'm just a little baby
who didn't quite make it there;
I went straight to be with Jesus
but I'm waiting for you here.

Don't you fret about me mommy
I'm of all God's most blessed
I'd have loved to stay there with you
but Heavenly Father knows what's best.

Many who dwell here where I live
waited years to enter in,
they struggled through a world of sorrow
and their lives were marred with sin.

So sweet mommy don't be sad,
wipe those tears and chase the gloom,
I went straight to be with Jesus,
from my lovely mothers womb.

Thank you for the life you gave me,
it was brief but don't complain;
I have all of heaven's glory
suffering none of the world's pain.

Thank you for the name you gave me,
I'm thankful for all you've done.
I'll be waiting here for you
in heaven up above.

I would have loved to stay with you,
And lived life by your side,
But the Lord has called me home,
I know it's hard to understand why.

Thank you mommy for making me,
You made me out of love,
I can't wait for the day I see you again
So you can see what I've become.

I'm an angel here in heaven,
The Lord's here by my side,
He wants me to let you know
He's sorry he made you cry.

He has a plan for me up here,
And a plan for you here too,
Someday we'll be together again,
And this I know is true.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Urn we chose to keep Mogan's remains in.

Tear Drop Pendent, that will hold some of the remains of Morgan. I plan to wear at our wedding next May. It will look beautiful with my dress.

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57 Comments on Morgan Ann Is With God


jhunter1405 - Friday, 16 Oct
I just want to say i am sooo sorry to hear about ur loss. I know u posted this blog a few weeks ago now but i havnt been on much so thats me just read it. It is hard enough having a miscarriage at 6 weeks so i cant imagine how your coping now. Your wee 1 is in a good place now and will be looked after. I hope you are okay! God bless. Stay strong.. xxxxxxx

lisab123 - Monday, 21 Sep
Thank you so much sweetie!!! I went to Morgans sight to look at the updated pictures. It breaks my heart. You are such a strong mommy. My heart goes out to you. HUGS!!!!

CarrMommyof2 - Saturday, 19 Sep
i'm so sorry for your loss. definitely made me cry. you're one strong woman that's for sure. you'll definitely be in my thoughts & prayers.

brittlovesmatt - Saturday, 19 Sep
Im So Sorry for your loss.. im tearing up right now...

Nettab - Friday, 18 Sep
I only saw your lost now! I am so sorry it is so sad. She is in a lovely place now with her other 2 siblings. My heart goes out to you! Good luck!

Arleneholm28 - Friday, 18 Sep
Sorry for your loss. You and your family will remain in my prayers and my heart. Goes out to you!

mom22to2boys - Thursday, 17 Sep
I just logged on and seen the tragic news Iam so sorry for your loss she was too preciouse for earth god wanted her now...........I wish to you a happy healing xoxo.......

christy114 - Thursday, 17 Sep
My God, I am so sorry that this happened. You are right that God has a plan, and that everything happens for a reason, but that can't help the hurt that must fill your heart. God bless you and your family through this very hard time and God bless your little angel Morgan. She now plays with Jesus and her angel brothers/sisters, along with my angel babies. Please let me know if there is anything I can say or do to comfort you as you go through this tragedy. All my love and prayers.

mummie2trey - Thursday, 17 Sep
im soo sorry u had to go thu all this no one should have to go thu wot u went thu..shel make a BEAUTIFUL angel..

LibertyMommyof3girls - Thursday, 17 Sep
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. She is in a place where she will be beautiful and be able to do things she might not have been able to do her on earth. To have the gift of seeing her and holding her make her a special angel. I have had two close friends that have went through similar thing..... I will tell you to never give up hope. My one friend went on to have a beautiful girl and my best friend has a boy thats two and is pregnant now with her third (4th pg). (((((((((((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))

Mandie N Family - Wednesday, 16 Sep
Your story bought tears to my eye's, I am so sorry to hear about your baby girl. You and your family is in my prayer's God Bless

SHERRYBABYDEAN - Wednesday, 16 Sep
I can't stop crying.I know that you said to not be sorry for you but, how can I not?I'm glad you got to hold her though.I'm also sorry that Mitchell could not have been there.Help him as he probably will have much guilt even though it probably couldn't be helped.Knowing why she probably passed doesn't make it any easier.My prayers are with you!

kbielec - Wednesday, 16 Sep
I am at a loss for words this morning...Please know you are in my thoughts.

purekate - Tuesday, 15 Sep
im so sorry for your loss, she will suffer no pain now, R.I.P morgan :( xxxx hugs

Chrisplus2 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
My thoughs are with you during this difficult time; your strength is inspiring, please keep us updated about how you and your family are doing.

fallenangel32 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
That is amazing that this hospital did such wonderful things for you, your family and your angel! I am sorry for your loss but we all know that she is somewhere wonderful!

Southernmom - Tuesday, 15 Sep
My condolences go out to you and your family and like you said God doesnt give us anything that we can not handle. You are in my prayers

anxiousannie - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Oh Renee there are no words. I am so sorry. I am sure your beautiful little girl is somewhere wonderful

Juney•Layah - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am at a loss for words because this was so unexpected. I am sorry for your loss and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Alesia - Tuesday, 15 Sep
So sorry for your lose. Bless you, your family, and your little girl. I can not imagine what you are going through. You are truly a strong person. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And you are right that god would not give something to you if you could not handle it.

2ndtimeroundT - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Peace be with you during this difficult time warm hugs (((())))

juliegirly26 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
you are so lucky to be able to have held your baby. i am very sorry for your loss. what a beautiful name for a tiny angel:) god bless

iismeta - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am so sorry for your loss. :(

Dara - Tuesday, 15 Sep
OH sweetheart, I am soooo sorry to hear this happened to you and your family! I hope that once the time comes and you try again to conceive that everything works right, and the baby is completely healthy..and Riley can have a little brother or sister to beat up on hahaha! If you need anyone to talk to, I'm mostly ALWAYS online because I have no life...so don't hesitate to throw a message my way! Hopefully things start looking up for you....I'm sure they will.

BabySaunders - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Bless you and your daughter. I'm glad you were able to see her and didn't have to have a D&C. Best wishes sweetie.

mumma |-| - Tuesday, 15 Sep
That is so true. God doesnt give you anything you cant handle. Only something that can make you stronger. Nothing will stop you trying again in time when you feel its right.Of course i am sorry, i couldnt leave a message without saying so. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And i hope the funeral is beautiful. Love Heather x

paytonand1more - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am so sorry hun, my prayers are with you & know your little girl is in an awesome place where she is just perfect!! xoxo

♥MommyCamille♥ - Tuesday, 15 Sep
i am so sorry Renee i can't imagine what you must be going through i am praying for you and your babygirl RIP MORGAN ANN :( please continue staying strong...

josephs-mommy - Tuesday, 15 Sep
i really dont know what to say. i would not be able to handle it as well as you did but i am stll soo sry for your loss

2-b-a-mum-of-3 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I dont have any words to say to you because no words are going to make any difference to you but i am sending you so much love and loads of hugs and just wanted to say that i really do care im so so sorry my love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JenWilson07 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
hang in there... i went through the exact same thing with my 1st...... if u ever get down and need to talk let me know... i am sure u are fine but just incase.... and dont listin to some of the hurtful thing some ppl will come up to tell.... i still think my Abby everyday :)

2babys-under2 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I'm so sorry. But you're right, God does have a plan. I'll be keeping you in my prayers!! XOXO!!

brendalee - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I'm so sorry for your loss hun :(

mom2ucc - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. Your family is in my prayers and yes they will find what was wrong and maybe you will know for the next time. Somedays will be harder than others and you are a very strong women. I commend you on that! I am sorry Mitch wasn't there with you, take time and enjoy eachothers company and comfort during this time. You are a blessed women and you both will get through this.

Chrissys4babies - Tuesday, 15 Sep
My heart and prayers are with you today..there are no words to take away your pain..You told your story of her birth so beautifally...My condolences are with you!

longed4baby - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Im so sorry for your loss xx

reila - Tuesday, 15 Sep
All my prayers are with you and Mitch right now. I am so sorry for your loss hun. I bet Morgan is a beautiful angel who will always look over you and your family.

christina-ann - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I'm very sorry for your loss.. :(I hope youre okay... I cant imagine how you must be feeling... be strong!

crystalmooon - Tuesday, 15 Sep
You are so right - God doesn't give us more than we can handle - He knew you and Mitch could grow and be strong together through this - He also knew that Morgan needed only to be here a short time to touch us and change the world that tiny little bit, before she was called back. I'm sorry that your time with her was so short. You, Mitch and Riley are in my thoughts! ~Tina xo

liz82 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
i want you to know that i am here for you hunni anytime you need a friend . i may god be with you and your family in this very hard time .. god bless you ..

lovemyfamily - Tuesday, 15 Sep
You are a strong and amazing woman, and I'm very sure she has a special plan in heaven. I bawled while I read this at your courage and your wisdom. I'm sure she was just to perfect and beautiful to grace our world. Your family will always have a guardian angel. God bless you and your family in your time of loss. xoxoxo

iLOVEMYANGELJAiYLA - Tuesday, 15 Sep
oh man mama im sooo sorry i kno your pain completly but as we kno everything happens for a reason... i got the same thing with my jaiyla she got blessed and we had her cremated.. atleast little morgan has a friend =] big hugs to you and your family!!! and lots of love sending your way be strong sweetie im not gonna lie to you right now u might b ok but it will hit you later on but just be strong for liltte miss morgan and riley =] big hugss to you mamaxoxo MiMip.s. im pretty sure miss morgan was beautiful in all ways!!

HelluvaAngel - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am speechless. I thought that things had been getting better for you. You are an amazingly strong woman. I will be thinking of you and your family. Take care!!

laddgirl - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I pray God continues to give you both the strength as you go through your trial. You're right...He knows what you can handle. Much love to Morgan, sweet thoughts to you and Mitch, and Peace to your whole family. Be blessed.

luckywhite - Tuesday, 15 Sep
im sending all my love to you and your family. much much love and support . xxx

fruitful - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Honey, I am here for you.

lisab123 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Oh hon I am crying for you. You are a very brave sole. That is horrably sad and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. She was a special angel sent to you!!!! Take care hon!!!!

-avasmama- - Tuesday, 15 Sep
God bless you and your family, I'm so sorry for your loss..

kingsmommy - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I can't even begin to understand what you are going through. I'm sitting here crying for you and your family. I wish I lived closer, so I could give you a great big hug. You are such a strong woman for thee way you are handling this and I will be saying a million prayers for you and your little girl.

jekajoy - Tuesday, 15 Sep
Congratulations on your little girl and I am so happy that you can see it so positive so soon, as I am here crying my eyes out for you. What a strong faith you have, very inspirational.

atlantagrace - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I know you said not to feel sorry and I understand what you mean by that.. but I just want you to know that my thoughts are with you and your family. You are so strong to be able to see the good in this situation. You are an amazing person, you and Mitch have been through so much.

Lila2cute:-) - Tuesday, 15 Sep
~I'm sorry about your lost, you are in my thoughts and prayers~

lisa337 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
God Bless you for being such a strong person.. and God bless your little girl. xo

readyfor2 - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am sorry for the loss of your little girl.

katanddan - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I am so sorry for your loss ,i am not sure what to say to you.You are in my thoughts .I love the name you have given your daughter Morgan ann .You are a very brave lady indeed ,i pray you stay strong .Hugs

2ndtry - Tuesday, 15 Sep
hey hun just think God needed her more in heaven then you and your man did, which means he must have needed her badly. If you need to talk I am here.

mmyof3angels - Tuesday, 15 Sep
I honestly dont know what to say right now..I know you aid not to feel sorry, but I cant help it. I lost my very first son to down syndrome in 05, he also had heart defects and passed away at 20 weeks, so I can honestly say I know what you are going through. Its a very hard and trying time and your angel morgan is in a wonderful place....She is with my 3 angels as well! Please know that if you need to talk I am here for you, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family! XO