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18-9-2008 - Confession... I feel like the worst mom in the world

My mood while writing this blog: so sad

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Well I guess the lack of sleep must be catching up with me...

I woke up for Slevin's 4am feed this morning, picked him up, got the bottle ready, and sat with him in my lap on the sofa to feed him with the news on (it usually keeps me awake for feeding)... I guess I must have fallen asleep and he wriggled or something, but the next thing I know I was jerked awake by the sensation of him leaving my lap, and looked down just in time to see (and hear!) him hit the floor. It's the most sickening sound I've ever heard... It was less than a foot to fall, and he was so scared when I picked him up, but only cried for about 30 seconds before settling down, finishing his bottle and going off to sleep... I've been crying ever since, and I'm still nauseous from the sound, and sight of my sweet angel lying there on the floor crying.

I'm watching him really carefully, checked all his joints, and that he was using all limbs comfortably, I've checked his head (it happened so quickly I'm not even sure he hit his head, but can only assume he did, given how top heavy babies are), there are no bruises, and now the precious little thing is sitting happily in his chair next to me playing sweetly, talking, and smiling... I feel so awful. They have such innocent trust in you to take care of them, and I couldn't even stay awake & vigilant for 30 minutes! It was so heartbreaking to hear him cry because of something I'd done. We caught a bit more sleep this morning, and it all just feels like some kind of awful nightmare. I can't believe it actually happened... I know that these sort of things happen... and I know it could have been so much worse, but I'm so sad about it, I can't seem to stop crying... and he smiles at me so sweetly...

God, I just feel like such a sh*t.

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6 Comments on Confession... I feel like the worst mom in the world


mrsclev - Saturday, 20 Sep
Dont beat yourself up, Every mom has mishaps, we all have!! I for one think you are a great mom, and I dont even know you irl. Hope your day turns out better.

martina26 - Saturday, 20 Sep
Shoot I wish I could meet a real mom who hasnt had one. Both mine off the sofa. Then my 2nd boy is soooo big he showed me a new one...out of the swing--that one killed me b/c it was on my watch. He never moved but the one time i only buckle one leg ugh! But i learned with my first instead of going OMG or making that natural initial mom's scared sound i go Oh Yeah, like the did something new and grand, both of mine started laughing and immediately redirect like to a game or the trusty bottle ;) Its a hard kn ock life for us n the babies ;) But were in it together right! Ur just a beautiful, fabu, real mom now smile ;)

LovingMommy - Friday, 19 Sep
I had the same things happen to me recently with my 8 month old daughter, she woke up during the night for a feeding (I breastfeed) so I put her in my bed and she fed and I was so tired that night that I didn't wake up to put her back in her crib and I woke up to a thud sound and her crying. She had fallen off the side of the bed and between the bed and the night stand. I was freaking out, but by a few seconds of comforting she was settled down and fine. Happened with my first daughter too once, off the couch. It definitely happens to almost every mom! You're not a bad mom.

annekat - Friday, 19 Sep
Yuor not terrible! things like this can hapen. And he was fine anyway. You cant be expected to be 100% with all the time. No one is!

Grace - Thursday, 18 Sep
don't feel bad, it's happened to me too, my first 2 fell off the bed and when my oldest was about a year old he was sitting in my dad's lap while he was opening christmas gifts and daddy forgot to hold onto him and he raised himself up to get comfortable and off went Elisha right on top of his head. it hurt my daddy more than it did Elisha, daddy left the room crying. but i let daddy be the one to comfort him so he could feel better.
but it happens to most everybody, just wait till they start getting around a little, they fall on their heads a lot then from climbing on furniture and everything you can think of.
don't beat yourself up. you're a great mom.

mommyxs3 - Thursday, 18 Sep
Oh honey, don't beat yourself up! You're not a terrible mom. In fact, you're actually quite normal. Every mom (especially new ones) have mishaps. I know I did. I'm sure your little boy is fine and though it probably scared you to death...think about the trauma of labor. A short fall isn't anything comparitively speaking. Yes, they look to us for protection and trust us but we're human too. We're gonna make mistakes. My daughter (my oldest) was 10 weeks old when my mishap happened. We had laid her on my bed to nap one evening and thought we positioned her so that there was no way for her to fall. ( we laid her with her back to the headboard) Well, about 30 minutes later we hear the worst noise ever. Our little girl falling to the floor! FROM THE BED!! Her sweet little head slid between our bed and the night stand and she had a terrible wood burn. I thought she would be taken from me. It scared me to death. I picked her up..both of us sobbing. Well, all three of us...hubby was there too. I held her so tight I was afraid to hurt her more so I handed her to my hubby. I got a wet cloth and put it to her head. She was instantly soothed. We watched her closely over the next few hours and she was fine. We were scared lifeless but she was the same happy, healthy, beautiful baby girl. You see, we all go through it. Don't worry and don't fret. You're not the first mom to have something like this happen and you won't be the last. I know you're a great mom. Keep up the great work!