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22-9-2008 - Wow... it's really hitting home

My mood while writing this blog: Apprehensive

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Before I start this blog, I'd just like to thank everyone who responded to my last blog with such amazing words of comfort and encouragement... I was really so bleak about it, and you all just really helped to lift me out of that fugue and realise that these things happen, and it has no reflection on what kind of mom you are! So, thank you all so much!

Little Slevin is the most amazing little boy in the world ;) He made the change overnight, and is now sleeping 4 hours at a time, waking up to feed and going straight back to sleep... last night I was only woken at 4am, and then at 8:15 this morning! I'm SO proud of him. I really didn't think the change would be this quick, but it was!

He's such a happy little boy, he greets me with a smile whenever I go into his room, and is so inquisitive, loves lights and shapes and shadows... we bought him a new sailboat mobile at a fair yesterday, and it's his new favourite thing! I just can't hold him tight enough or tell him that I love him enough ;)

In any event... the main purpose for this blog today is my own apprehension... It's just really hit home that I only have 2 months or so left of maternity leave, and I'm very teary about it. I got the call from the creche today to confirm his induction dates before he starts on 1 December when I go back to work... so:

* Wednesday 26th November: 09:30 - 10:30
* Thursday 27th November: 09:30 - 11:30
* Friday 28th November: 09:30 - 13:00

I think it's amazing that they have induction dates where he can go in and get used to the place for short periods, so his start on 1 December is not such a shock... but I'm beside myself at the thought of leaving my baby with them. They're such wonderful people, and the place is fantastic, but I know that those induction days are as much for me as they are for him: I need to get used to leaving him behind, and I'm heartbroken. I so wish there were a way for me to stay at home. We had discussed it earlier, but established that it wasn't an option for us, despite Jay's big promotion and raise, as we want another child in the next few years and then are thinking of leaving the country... we need every cent we can get.

I know that even if I could stay at home, I could never offer him at home what they offer him there in terms of socialisation, stimulation and general teaching... I just lack the knowledge and capacity... a lawyer's mind is something I'm sure a child should have limited exposure to! lol, I'm far too linear in my thinking, thanks to my training. It would be selfish of me to keep him here, and it's my own selfishness that WANTS to keep him here with me... he's such an amazing, adventurous and curious little boy that I know he's going to love it, and will probably not be half as fazed by the transition as I will be...

I can't believe how quickly these 6 months have gone :(

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3 Comments on Wow... it's really hitting home


mrsclev - Thursday, 25 Sep
Aww, leaving Slevin will be hard for sure, but just think, the look he will have on his face when you go to pick him up, Im sure he will light up with joy when he see's you. Congrats on him sleeping longer. I know how nice it is when they do. Hope everything is going well for you.

ede - Tuesday, 23 Sep
Its not the best feeling leaving your baby and going back to work,I felt like the worst mother in the world for the first couple of weeks,but I knew it was totally for the best. My kids would not be who they are if I never went back to work and they certainly wouldn't have everything they have if I didn't. I copped alot of crap from people when I said I put my kids in family day care,asking me what sort of mother I am leaving them with strangers. That annoyed me because I knew what was best for my kids and so do you. It will all just fall in to place.I've still got another year off before i go back and with all Elijah has been through i'll be a bit of a mess I think,but I'll still have to go back.xx

kettynyc - Tuesday, 23 Sep
It only gets better after this! I'm happy to hear he is sleeping more. In the meantime, hugs to you and baby!