22-7-2008 - Family problems....

My mood while writing this blog: frustrated

Soooo... lets start with my wonderful father...

Let me take you back to around Oct 6th 2007 when I was first pregnant.... I had no problem telling my dad that I was pregnant then... but the way he reacted was outrageous!! (and keep in mind that my dad and I have never really got along.. we fight, argue, and scream at eachother. Were way to much alike.. I have not lived with him in about 4 years... and he would not let me move back in with him when I had no place to go.. but yet he let his BRAND new step daughter move it.... that pretty much sums up my relationship with him) But when I told him back in oct that I was pregnant, he didnt talk to me. So finally when I got him to talk to me, he agreed that he would start talking to me if I arranged to talk to somebody about giving my baby up for adoption. He said then that I was not able to provide for my baby ANY way possible, meaning finacially, mentally, etc. So I talked to his lovely new wife about adoption since she is apparently the expert and from then on out he talked to me. When I miscarried the last time, I called him and told him that I hope he is happy and all the sudden he was like "no honey thats not what I wanted" blah blah blah. Whatever dad! So now, I was going to wait till after I was 13 weeks before I told him so I didnt start a world war 4 again over nothing ya know?? But NO NO NO that cant happen, cause people like to run their mouths. I told my stepmom when I was 11 weeks, trusting her but I guess she couldnt wait till I told him and I guess its my fault for trusting her. Then... my brother ran his mouth... which he is the 2nd family member I have to vent about. So my dad didnt call me for about 2-3 weeks and I knew he knew cause he hasnt called.. So finally when I talked to him about it he said that Im going to be on welfare the rest of my life and to basically not ask him for help.. He got it stuck in his head that Im going to ask him for help and money and for him to watch my baby.... I would not trust him with my puppy, I will be damned to ask him to watch my kid. And as for money, he makes over $100k a year, and cant even help me pay $10 co-pays before when I had my 3rd knee surgery. He is selfish... I told him I dont want him there when I have the baby and I want him to have nothing to do with my and my baby at all. All I want from him to say is "Ness, Im here for support if you need it" Thats is. I dont need money support, cause if I borrow money for it, I will have to build him a house to repay 50 dollars back and I will never hear about that time he helped me. He has betrayed me soooo much in my life it kills me, I deal with the shit he has done to me everyday, and I just cant forgive him. So I guess what I need help on is deciding whether or not to just give up... and wait to see if he comes around, or pour my heart out to him for the hundredth time and have him act like it doesnt matter again. Im to the point to tell him to f*** off its crazy.. help!!!!!!

I dont have the energy to get into my freakin brother... I will blog about him tomorrow....