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06-9-2009 - Month 4 Updates

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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I can't believe I am already four months pregnant!! The first trimester seemed to last FOREVER, even though technically it was only 2 months, since I didn't know I was pregnant until 4 weeks (end of month 1). The fourth month - August - flew by, and I feel like in no time I am going to be in the third trimester! I feel the urge to get everything ready now while my energy is high -- reorganize the closets, set up a space for the baby things, get the co-sleeper, stroller, and car seat, etc. etc. I had a dream two nights ago that I woke up and the baby was already born! I was drilling my husband -- do we have this? do we have that? I was in a panic that the baby was here and we didn't have everything ready yet!!

So far I think I have been blessed with a very healthy pregnancy. Knowing the bazillion things that can go wrong in any pregnancy, I feel extremely fortunate that it's been smooth sailing so far, and hope it will continue that way until the baby is born, healthy and happy. I pray every day for a healthy and happy baby. We went in for our 18 week ultrasound and were hoping to learn the sex, but the baby moves a LOT, and it was hard for the technician to get a clear picture. She "thinks" it's a girl, but wasn't 100% sure. I realized in that moment how much I don't care what it is, as long as he or she is healthy and happy.

The only thing that has been plaguing me this pregnancy is my obsession with weight gain :( It's really at the point where it keeps me from fully enjoying the pregnancy. Every day checking the scale, making sure I am "on the chart" and not going over where I am supposed to be for each week. So far I've gained 8.5lbs, which is perfect for 18 weeks. I should gain 10lbs by 20 weeks, my midwife said. The problem is the EFFORT that it takes to keep the weight gain minimal and steady. I'm very careful about what I eat, and I exercise as much as I can -- walking 5 - 6 days a week and doing prenatal yoga, pilates, and aerobics videos. I think I get a lot of physical and mental benefit from eating well and staying active, flexible, and fit. I haven't had to deal with things like sciatica or back pain. But overall I am putting way too much pressure on myself and I know that. I just don't want to gain more than 30lbs!! Supposedly if I only gain 30, the first 10 will come off the first week the baby is born, the next 10 by the time the baby is one month, and the final 10 by the time the baby is 3 months, and I won't even have to try that hard -- just breastfeeding should do it. I'd rather put in all the hard work now, so that the weight just falls off in the first 3 months after the baby is born, rather than not care now and be struggling with a new baby and the prospect of losing 10, 20, or 30 extra pounds. I just want to enjoy by baby when s/he gets here and not be worried about my weight then!! But I also want to enjoy my pregnancy now, and not be fretting over it every day :(

This week I am going back to work, and I have to say, my clients have NOT been happy to hear I am going to be on maternity leave Feb - April. I'm afraid that they will leave me and my business will fall apart when the baby comes :( I have a full plan to hire substitutes, and still manage everything while I am on leave, but my clients are nervous. I hope everything will work out. I've spent 3 years building up this business, and I don't want to lose clients becuase of the baby. They are all mostly working mothers, so hopefully they will understand.

Things are going really well now between me and my husband. It was a little tense in the beginning there for a while, but we've been working on our communication and everything feels really good now. He is so excited to become a father! It's really cute. And he is working really hard to save and get ready for the baby and my maternity leave, which I really admire and appreciate so much. I don't want him to work so hard that he gets stressed and is unhappy, but so far he still has a good amount of time off every week (just not two days in a row), so I think it will be fine. I'm hoping that we can save enough money this fall to be able to do the cord blood banking and a few other "extras" for the baby. I did just find out my insurance is going to give us a $350 electric breast pump FOR FREE, and pay for our prenatal classes at the hospital, so that's awesome, and takes off some of the pressure. I just wish they would buy me maternity clothes too!! I'm down to almost nothing in my closet (4 shirts, and 4 pants with the belly band!), but I'm putting off shopping for maternity clothes until October when both my belly and my wallet are a little bigger!

Ahhhhhhhhh....... so much to think about!!!

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