31-12-2009 - 11 dpo - bfn

My mood while writing this blog: disappointed

I tested this morning – BFN. BOO!! I was really expecting to see a BFP. I feel like I have been having crampiness that is not normally present and all of that – but as of today I am not sure how much optimism I can muster for the chances of a BFP after a BFN on DPO11. It seems like almost everyone else gets a faint positive by now, and I looked at that test enough to know there isn’t even the slightest faintest line. I got nothin’. Really I know that it’s not over until AF shows, but I would have thought that I would have a positive by now. DANG! Oh well. I am going to test again on Saturday, and if nothing, then I suppose it will be on to next month TTC for us. It’s hard to keep trying to hold onto to some hope of a positive in the next few days, but it is what it is – and I won’t know what IT IS until next week for sure! Blah. On the bright side, I now realize just how much I want a BFP right now – I am not feeling that ‘relief’ of not being pregnant that I have felt in earlier months – to me this means I am mentally and emotionally ready for #2. And there still is the small window of hope for a BFP this month, I just have to wait it out and see what happens – but I have learned 2 important lessons that one can really only learn by doing - 1. DON’T TEST EARLY and 2. DON’T COMPARE SO MUCH! Testing early and getting BFNs is just a huge disappointment. I find myself with days upon days of analyzing and worrying and being frustrated and depressed and wondering. What I need to do is WAIT and be PATIENT. If I get a BFN just ONCE, testing when I am SUPPOSED to, then I can deal with it much more rationally – because the waiting game is over then and I can focus on moving forward. As far as comparing goes, I find it depressing to wonder why everyone else gets faint BFP and I get nothing, why others have more symptoms than me – does that mean I am not going to get BFP, etc. I just need to quit worrying and analyzing and just keep my hopes up! BABIES ARE IN MY FUTURE!! LOL