19-1-2010 - Life changes

My mood while writing this blog: Optimistic & Rational

Man, I’ve got some MAJOR changes ahead in life! Really, I just needed to take a moment and reflect, re-group, and look ahead! In the process of TTC, changing from a 1-child family to a 2-child family this year, trying to get my career-life settled – quitting this job and moving on to something that feels right, possibly a career change if I need it (this would mean going to school, eek), and just focusing on the future and what is to come!

I don’t know how to feel about this month. I have BD on the appropriate days, but then the whole EWCM thing happened the day AFTER I think I O’d, and for the next two days, so now I don’t know what to think – what WERE the right days??! My face broke out like I was a teenager on Friday (the O day by my calculations) but the EWCM came later…AGH. BOO. We BD on Saturday am so hopefully that would have covered me. Too late now! Maybe I am thinking too much, lol!

I certainly have to wait it out, because it’s only 4 dpo and there is no possible way I could stay sane if I started contemplating and analyzing now. I am waiting til I feel some sore bbs, and if I DON’T feel sore, then for sure it’s going to be a TRUE surprise if I do turn out to be pregnant, lol. Most women seem to have some kind of symptom related to the bbs when first pregnant – I did my first pregnancy, and according to countdowntopregnancy.com there are lots of bb symptoms….Now, I know you don’t HAVE to have a symptom, but I am banking on it for peace of mind, LOL!! Right now I am not expecting a BFP, I just don’t have that ‘feeling’. I could be way off (hopefully!) Oh well, at least 8 more days til I even think about testing, (which would be 12 dpo), and really if I don’t have any kind of indication that I might be pregnant (sore bbs, feeling like AF coming and nothing, etc.) then I am not testing til the day AF is due. For me, I feel like this is going to be my best defense against being frustrated or disappointed. I want to keep my mind off of it if at all possible! Trying not to think about what “this” could mean or what “that” could mean. Just coast through this 2ww…sigh.

On a different note, I totally hate my job right now, and I have applied for a position elsewhere that I have a good feeling about! It’s with an engineering firm in town as an administrative assistant – which I have over 3 years of experience doing this already with my old job at another engineering/contracting firm. I sent my resume yesterday and already have set up the interview. I am nervous about getting the position just to tell them 3 months later that I am pregnant, LOL! But, I feel like it’s the right position for me in the right environment. Plus, the pay is better than what I make now! I have my fingers crossed! I know that God will lead me in the right direction, so if it doesn’t turn out, then I can only believe that it’s not the right time or place for me. I’ve got another prospect on the horizon in the town where I live, and I will apply for that job this afternoon and see if anything comes about from that.