25-4-2009 - This is the best...!!

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

This morning was one of my best ones...all began like this.. I woke up very tired, getting my baby to feed was very hard cuz I had a terrible sleep not because of him but all because DH and I are having problems.. to make it short he is never arround now that I need him the most.. I dont know if he thinks that I am asking a lot but for me just been here next to me it is nothing ... so he has time for other people and their problems and he has to solve them and help them and honestly he left me aside... my baby knows his father voice and not him cuz he is just not around ever.. he comes home late and not only that he talks with his father until he goes to sleep and I go to sleep and we are out and well we just dont talk any more.. so yesterday I was crying and feeling very depreessed and lonely and so sad ... as many of you know I dont have family here in the US it is me all by myself and my hubby and now baby and fatherinlaw ... so it is been me tacking care of me,baby,fatherinlaw and hubby ... so I was crying in the sink and telling God that if I could I will go back to my country.. this emptyness that is building up is almost over the top ... so for me in my toughts me been here it is a matter of time... I want to been able to share everything with someone who cares about it and me and baby... and then baaammmm... this morning been so tired so wore out ... so depressed and my baby saw my face and started talking to me... like telling me mamma I care about you.. I love you... and I talked to him and he smiled at me... the cutes smile that I ever saw... and it was all for me... then I talked to my mother and finally she told me that we got our own place.. I am so happy 4 that one.... all I worked for finally showed throught the years... I am thankfull to my mother for been persistant even tho I was not... my father for helping us in every single way... and to God for giving me the oportunity and let me grow.. I am happy and there is a little light in the middle of this darkness that is sorrounding me...!!! there is hope ...!!!