23-2-2009 - on the road again

My mood while writing this blog: diddleydoolishius

I have been coming around to the site a little less lately (sorry girlies) and focusing a lot more on my relationship and my life and my well being. and still I come back here! lol this place and you lovely ladies are part of my life now it seems. and I am thankful for that.

I had another break through with Jon this past week. He has agreed to go to therapy..not serious therapy but just a little cognitive treatment to help him with his anxiety. the reason he has agreed is because he wants to feel comfortable around people. and also with me always talking about the mental state of everything he has finally come to terms and stepped out of denial in regards to his relationship with his father. He now admits that there were times in his childhood ( a lot of times) where he and his brothers and his mother hid away from his father in fear. that his father was loud and angry and used terror to keep his boys in line. like smashing an umbrella through a window when the youngest brother threw a pebble at it, like telling his kids they are worthless and a waist of time, and also treating his wife like she is less than... well less than everything.

it is such a huge step for Jon and in turn for me. as because you learn from your parents sometimes Jon reacts to things like his father would and I end up having to remind him just who it is he is speaking to and that I am not one to sit down and let anybody treat me like I am worthless. I don't care who they are. it is unacceptable. Jon until now has had trouble understanding my reactions because he has watched his mother cower in fear his whole life and knows nothing different. I am feeling for him as this will be hard for him to do but I have decided that unless he does, it will effect my life and our relationship forever and I can't allow myself to live a life that isn't moving towards a healthy happy being.

oh how I ramble!

in other news I am getting back on the get health train again (took a holiday for a bit there ..lol) and am looking forward to seeing more results (some of you fit tastic mommies are putting me to shame! lol) and I am now in the 2ww..we actually for me it will be a 10 day wait if I am lucky! darn short luteal phase!

anyways Congrats to all the new bfp's out there and lets keep going to all the Ttc's!

I am off to bake some bread and get a job!

x