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|27-4-2009 - One year ago...
||My mood while writing this blog:|
sad but ok...
Hi ladies... Well I've been trying to stay really really busy and Saturday April 25 was one year that I lost my lil boy... I woke up ok and went to the gym like normal. Came home went for a loooong walk with my niece and my dog. Took her to the mall and I went to the city, my friend promotes on the side so he had a boat party. I had a great time. But I guess keeping busy doesn't work for long. Aiden would have been six months old by now and on top of that my last mc in October was close to my due date and now I would have been due May 13 which is right around the corner! and then I hear on the news that a sick SICK bastard took a 3year old lil girl and threw her over a bridge into the Passaic River (where I live!!!) WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE!?!?!?!
I went onto my friend's myspace and I decided to look at her pictures and her baby shower from April 19 2008 was there and there's a picture of me and her and I just like a knife just stabbed me over and over again... I had the pregnancy glow the big ol boobies going on and the tears right now just don't stop... I don't want to talk about it to anyone, but I know I can let my feelings go free on here. It's crazy how much it helps! lol
I know my time will come... it's just hard now with my fiance way out there in Nevada... he does want me to go out there and he does miss me... that's a good thing! LOL I decided that I will go for the month of August (probably end of July) and see how it goes... then I will get into the make a decision talk with him. Plain and simple I need to know he is willing to start a family with me... if not then thank you for the vacation and I will go back to NJ. I have it planned out with work... I would take a leave and if worse comes to worse I can always come back in February or the following September. I know he does want to have kids with me... he just wants to get grounded. I get that... my whole thing is I'm willing to go way out there he needs to give me want I want! LOL
Thank you girls for listening to me! I stopped crying finally... but now I can't breathe or see clearly so I need to go to bed! Miss u all!!
5 Comments on One year ago...LaurenKR
- Wednesday, 29 Apr I am sorry to hear you going through all this. I, too, was due on May 12 and miscarried... and that date is approaching. I am 13 weeks pregnant right now but that is not going to make it any easier when that day finally comes. Stay positive- you are right- your day WILL come! minkymoo78
- Tuesday, 28 Apr Oh hun I am so sorry you're having such a rough time. It is awful seeing pics of when you were pregnant and it didn't work out. I so hope your fella wants to start TTC when you see him. xxx RainbowRach
- Tuesday, 28 Apr awww hun, I know how hard these dates are to get through. I think you are doing a great job.
I know its an old cliche but it does get easier with time. Let the tears flow babe, you need to let it out ((big hugs))
I hope it goes well in July and I hope your BF is ready to try again. x x roosa
- Monday, 27 Apr Thinking of you. I wish you didn't have to go through this heart ache. Many hugs! firstmommy08
- Monday, 27 Apr Awww....Cyndy. I'm sorry. My one year will be coming up soon, June 14th and I'm feeling a little anxious about it already. Maybe when you are able to get w/your fiance you can have a real heart to heart. Your time with come girlie!! I just know it.