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26-5-2008 - Memorial

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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The due date of my first child (and first loss) is coming up ~ May 28, 2008. I have been struggling with anxiety lately related to this pregnancy and couldn't figure out why. Then I realized that I'm passing all these milestones for my first little one...8weeks 2days - started spotting, 9w3d - had ultrasound that diagnosed blighted ovum, 10w2d - miscarried naturally. I am 9 weeks 5 days today and will be 10 weeks pregnant on the due date of my first child. Whew - no wonder I've been having a hard time.

I've decided to make a little bag out of eyelet lace. I'm going to put in a rose from the casket of our baby's namesake, her placenta and a letter I wrote to her. I've invited my husband and both of our parents to add something as well. (Any of our family reading this that wants to participate, please feel free) Once everything is compiled we (my husband and I) will take the bag and bury it in the mountains with a small stone cairn built on top. Below are some song lyrics I've had playing on repeat as I work on my project today and move through another stage of my grieving. May the minister to you as well.

"Jesus Draw Me Ever Nearer"

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm
You have called me to this passage
And I'll follow though I'm worn

Chorus:
May this journey bring a blessing
May I rise on wings of faith
And at the end of my heart's testing
With your likeness let me wake

Jesus guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit staid and sure
When the midnight meets the morning
Let me love you even more

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage
Let me leave them at your throne

By Margaret Becker and Keith Getty

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