| ourlittlehogi | |
| ourlittlehogi has 152 days to go and is now in week 18 | |
 | Age: 28 Country: US Province/region: - City: Bozeman Partner: the most wonderful hubby ever Children: Yes, 1 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 25 Dec ,2008 Occupation: Pediatric Occupational Therapist |
| Online: 19 hours ago. Last updated: 1 days ago. Member since: 274 days | |
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| 09-5-2008 - The rest of the story....September 07-April 08....TTC Journal |  My mood while writing this blog:Ok |
I'm saving this mostly for myself - to remember where i have been during my anticipation of where i am going. if it can help someone else in the process praise the Lord.
April 9 ~ Well, our specific effort to not focus on TTC is easier said than
done in some ways. I've learned sooooo much about my body that it was
impossible to miss the EWCM during O. We did it when we wanted during
that time but now I'm back to checking CP! Geesh....i really wanted to
not think about this stuff at all, but i think those days are really
over. Oh well, i'm still doing better than i was before as far as
intensity. I guess i'm technically in the 2ww but i'm going to try
REALLY HARD to not focus on this fact. i'm not going to test unless my
cycle gets to be 50 days or more. We'll see.......!!
March 21 ~ Well, AF showed on 3-20. Hubby and i decided we're going to put down the TTC stuff for awhile. I even put away the thermometer and chart. I'm going to keep track of length of cycles but that will be all. I have been a little too intense about this stuff and had really left God out of the picture. I want to learn how to trust that His timing is perfect and his plan for my life is perfect. It isn't always easy to do this! I'm often plauged by the what if's....what if i miss O and we miss our chance, what if we can't even get preggo again, what if that one pregnancy was all i'm ever going to have and it's gone..... all that stuff is a waste of energy!!!
From now on positive thoughts and a focus on the wonderful things i have in my life today ~ my amazing husband, the beautiful place i love, the job i have that i really, really love, my great, supportive family, my fat cat, my ability to walk and talk and breath! Life is powerful and amazing ~ today i choose to embrace and kick those dumb "what if's" to the curb. they don't work and i'm done!
March 18 ~ CD 41, 15dpo...no AF and BFN this morning.
March
7 ~ on CD 30 with STILL no temp spike in sight! In the six months of
charting i've never had a chart like this....or this much EWCM on and
off for that matter. two weeks ago i was asking questions about how to
get more and now it won't stop but my body won't actually ovulate
either, it just keeps teasing like it's going to then changes it's
mind....what a twisted joke : >
Feb.28 ~ Did i start the 2ww? i can't tell??!!?? my temps have been really eratic. i thought i had a temp spike and started counting days then it dipped low, then back up the next day then low again and now sort of higher but not as high as the initial dip. maybe the cold i had really messed me up and i tried to O but not quite?
February
25th, 2008 ~ Started the 2ww a few days ago. My hubby works out of town
and was ended up being home during ovulation! I'm hoping to be able to
stick with my resolve of not testing until at least 14dpo since that's
when AF comes. I'm hoping to be able to stick with my resolve of not
interpreting every twinge and stretch of my body as pregnancy. Go with
the flow baby, just work on going with the flow : ). Cheers to all the
recent BFP's and babies on the way : )
February
7, 2008 ~ AF showed today. 28 day cycle with a 14 day luteul phase and
temps a little higher that usual for me. That is amazing for
me...really, really amazing. My cycles haven't been this short in the 3
1/2 years i've been off birth control. we've conceived once in that
amount of time and i've been charting for six of those months. i've
started on progesterone creme at the advice of the midwife....2nd half
of my cycle. the plan is to keep charting and keep trying. i'm not as
sad this time as i was for the last AF to show up...so i must be making
progress in all areas! good luck to everyone ttc this month. as one
friend here keeps reminding me.....God is never late but always on
time..... we won't give up hope!
January
28, 2007 ~ My cycle seems to really be changing. I may have already
ovulated and it would have actually been on CD14....that is unheard of
for me! I'm really kind of baffled and hoping that i'm interpreting
everything on my chart the right way, and reading my cervical fluid the
right way...If i did ovulate my hubby was out of town and there was no
BD'ing. You know, i have felt really, really ok with how this will all
work out. I have peace that the right time is the right time! I have
joy in the present moment....which is a little out of character but
refreshing : )
January
18, 2007: Just finished AF. It has been a slightly different period and
a little shorter than my usual cycle. My midwife has suggested, and I
agree that my progesterone levels are too low. I'm wondering if i maybe
did have a conception this time but that my progesterone levels were
too low for anything to go very far as i had some preggo symptoms that
were pretty strong ~ strong gagging, which i only had the last time i
was preggo and don't have otherwise, nausea and fatigue. I'm going to
get some wild yam creme and use that the 2nd half of my cycle from now
on. I'm feeling better about not being preggo right this second. We
will get preggo eventually (Lord willing) and i'm going to devote my
energy to enjoying my time without children for as long as it lasts ~
cause i'll never get this time back again...it's unique and special and
most likely almost over...i don't want to live in the future that isn't
here yet ~ it's time to embrace the present moment...day by day and
moment by moment. i will choose to relish the midday naps and late
mornings and full ski days for as long as i can until they
change....then i'll enjoy the next season of my life fully without
regret for pre-kiddo days! wish me luck, this endeavor is easier said
than done when ttc *~*
January
12, 2007: Well, AF showed up today. I had to try not to cry. I'm
disappointed and so is hubby as this is the first time either of us
have ever really tried to make a baby, timing with ovulation and
everything. I think i'd like to stop charting and taking my temp for a
few months and get my head back on straight...not be so obsessed with
this getting pregnant deal. But, my hubby is pretty into us getting
preggo again and wants to be really specific to try. We'll work it out.
Thanks for the baby dust wishes and here's to the ladies that are going
to test soon....lot's of BFP's ok!!!!
10.25.07
~ Woops....i had a vip page as "aimdance" but i did something to this
section and became unable to write more....so, here is my new page. I
got my first u/s changed from thursday the 1st to this coming monday
the 29th. I'm really, really looking forward to knowing how everything
is coming along in there...i'll keep you posted!
10.30.07
~ We had our u/s on Monday. We were diagnosed with a blighted
ovum...there was a healthy sac but no baby...no yolk sac, no fetal pole
and HcG #'s of 27,000. It wasn't meant to be. My husband and i are
staying home from work to grieve. he has been so amazing, so much more
than i could ever have deserved. Grieving this loss together has been
an incredibly intimate experience. If nobody minds i think i'll keep
this page as i return to square one and probably use this page as a
sounding board. here's to healthy pregnancy's to all. God Bless....
11.01.07
~ Well, still waiting for my body to let go of the remaining 2/3 of
being pregnant. My HCG levels were at 22,550 on Tuesday afternoon. I'm
going in again tonight to see how much farther they have dropped. I
spoke with my midwife who said that the body can let go of the placenta
when the numbers get down to btwn 500 and 600. Gives me a little bit of
an idea when this will happen so I can finish this grieving.
I
went to work last night just to do paperwork and practice seeing people
again. I holed up for two days and didn't talk to anyone except my
hubby. It was ok being at work. I'm going to try to go in today and
work with my clients. Kids have a unique was of comforting a grieving
heart and it might do me good. I'm trying to take good care of myself
and if i go there and it stinks then i'll just leave. i work with great
people and my boss has been really supportive.
11.04.07.
I finally m/c'd last night. i'm glad it is over with. there is a sense
of finality now so we feel like we can move forward. the limbo and
waiting of the past week wasn't very pleasant. both my hubby and i do
feel changed by this experience and it doesn't seem like we'll be able
to go back to life before we conceuved together, which is ok.
i'm
grateful for how my body handled everything and feel empowered somehow
that if i could go through that i can do it again in the future if it
is to bring a life into this world. we are going to let me body heal up
and have a few cycles and then get back to our method of ttc....doing
it if we want to do it! i do chart my cycles including temp, fluid and
cervical position so we have a lot of info at our disposal. thanks to
everyone for your support and kindness.
11.14.07. Whew...what a crazy few weeks. I just met with the midwife....my body is back to pre-preggo state so i got the go ahead to exercise, do the baby dance etc.
We named our little girl....
Katherine Rose.
It feels good to honor her life.
Friday, 16 Nov
Doing Good Today....I think we're going to make it!Wednesday, 21 Nov
The aching has set into my heart. I'm at a really annoying stage of grief...the pang in the heart when a preggo woman or new baby go by. I have two friends who are pregnant. One that i was about four days ahead of and the other about 3 weeks. I think that's going to be a tough one. One day at a time I guess, one day at a time.Wednesday, 21 Nov
anyone who has m/c'd know how to get over the 'would have been's'. i 'would have' started my 2nd trimester tomorrow and it's breaking my heart....i want to be positive, i want to be strong. i guess my perfectionism issues are coming out b/c i just want to do this grief thing, do it well and move on. and it doesn't work like that. one moment at a time has become my mantra. one moment at a time.Friday, 21 Dec
Well ~ this holiday thing is a little rough 1 month post m/c. especially with friends as preggo as i was finally starting to show (between 15 and 19 weeks). i was going to try to avoid the TTC craze but feel a little ruined on that one....i can `t help but watch my cylce and know what is going on. i had one cycle that was one of the most normal i `ve had in years. i `m due to ovulate between Dec. 24 and 28th given past cycle history. i don `t like this anticipation but don `t know how else to do it! Merry Christmas everyone....lots of baby dust to the ttc `ers!!!Tuesday, 1 Jan
well ~ just had the big O. now starting the 2ww. not very much fun! the anticipation is killing me! i `m starting to come to grips with the loss of my little girl. i know it is in the hands of my heavenly Father...who works all things for goodComments on The rest of the story....September 07-April 08....TTC Journal
26-5-2008 - Memorial
10-5-2008 - recipe
09-5-2008 - The rest of the story....September 07-April 08....TTC Journal
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