10-3-2009 - last update for a little while

My mood while writing this blog: tired

I had my appointment this morning at 1120.. it went good, but was horrible all at the same time.. if that makes sense. i had an ultrasound, im so sore as it is, and having an internal ultrasound- put me over the edge,, i just didnt want anything touching me.. you know?! i asked the ultrasound tech if there was alot left, and she said she couldnt tell me anything.... the dr had to-- so back out into the waiting room for my husband and i. we got called back into the drs office about 2 minutes later, and the dr said that my numbers did infact go down last week.. ( no kidding?!?!) and that the ultra sound did show that a pretty big clot was still left to pass.. and it looked like i had already been pretty much "cleaned out" and was more than likely not going to need a d&c.. i told him i REALLY didnt want one... i would have one if i absolutely needed too.. he then had to do a pelvic exam, which i was dreading, because i didnt want to be touched. i was in so much pain--- it was horrible. he told me my cervix was dialted to about 4-5 cm and that IF i had a d& c.. it would just be the "c" because my cervix was already dialated enough "because"... and then he stopped talking.... which made me confused-- he grabs a whole bunch of stuff.. and tells me... " its right there,,, the clot" he took this HUGE metal thing, with an eye thing at the end, that looked like the end of a threading needle, and started scraping it out.. blood was going everywhere. i thought i was going to pass out. after it was done.. which was only about 3 minutes-- but felt like 900 hours. he told me to sit up.. i looked on the floor and there was blood all over it, blood by my husbands feet.... who was standing NEXT to my face.... and i look over on the counter- and there it is...... a sample cup... FILLED with blood and "baby". i almost threw up--- not only because i cant believe it just came out at the drs... and two-- because i felt like i was just being hacked up. it felt like it hurt more than pushing my son out... without an epidural !!

THENNNNNNN... he takes it out of the cup, and right infront of us, starts pulling the thing apart, to make sure it is infact, 'baby' tissue. he said its placenta tissue, and it looked hard--- everything i passed yesterday was soft and tissue-y.. my poor poor husband- who absolutely HATES the site of blood... and seeing me in pain, is holding onto the counter with his head down- i thought he was going to pass out. i didnt even know what to do. im sitting there- half naked, bleeding all over the place, my baby in a cup being pulled apart right infront of us, my woosey husband hanging on to the counter... i was so happy it was over, and so sad at the same time. i wish i had passed it at home-- so i could have had my peace... nice and quietly.. instead of what we actually had to go thru. he told me since i passed everything naturally... we could start trying after i have one period.

the poor nurse that came in after,, to take my blood- to make sure i was ok... had a HUGE mess to clean up, i couldnt stop appologizing because i felt so bad- that it was everywhere.. it looked like a hose sprayed down the room.. it was disgusting. i got a perscription for i dont even know what.. to make my uterus shrink back down- and push anything left in it.. out. my bleeding has slowed down to less than period blood... and no more cramping. im so super tired that i just want to sleep forever.

Charlie and i are very thankful for all your well wishes and great advice. i dont know where i would be without all you ladies on this site- to get me thru these hard times. I cant wait for all of you to have your precious babies, and get to hold them in your arms.. for you first time mommies out there----- its the greatest thing in the world! I am so very lucky to have my handsome little boy to help me through this too.. this time didnt work out for us, but thats ok! everything happens for a reason.. next time we'll make him a big brother!

so for now-- im saying goodbye. until next time my friends =o) hopefully i will be back soon! i will still stop by to check up on all of you!!

Amber =o)