15-5-2009 - a little update =o)

My mood while writing this blog: good

Hello my friends =o)

i figured i would update everything going on, for those of you that read my blog--- and revisit everything that has been going on, for people that havent been reading, that are reading this =o)

As you know- my husband, Charlie and I are TTC after losing our baby in March to a m/c. I was given the ok by my dr, that we could start trying- as soon as i had one period. AF came ( exactly 4 weeks after the m/c bleeding stopped!) on April 18th. Charlie and i started BDing every other day since AF stopped,, incase i ovulated early. all week (the week before i was suppose to ovulate) i had been having very mild cramping- to the point where i wouldnt even have noticed it,if i wasnt looking for any signs! according to the chart on here, i was suppose to have ovulated around the 5th of may.. but i wasnt really showing any signs other than the cramping. i had little to no ewcm. the cramping continued and on the 5th i started spotting so very very lightly. it started pink, and by the days end it was brown. it was so light- i only noticed it sometimes when i wiped, but mostly when i stuck the toilet paper up inside a little bit. it was watery cm mixed with streaks of color. it was never ever bright red. just the lightest pink color or brown. it lasted 2 and a half days like that, and by the end of the second day- it was gone. it returned on the 3rd day, towards the afternoon.. and lasted another 2 and a half days and went away completely on the 11th early in the morning. the entire thing lasted 5 days on and off. i never wore a pad, a tampon or even a panty liner- because it never came out. as im sure most of you would have been, i was very confused-- but tried not to worry about it, and let things go the way they were going.

i was hearing different theories from all you wonderful ladies. everything from ovulation bleeding, implantation bleeding, another miscarriage or a tear from our BD marathon.. i even looked up ectopic pregnancies.. because i didnt know what else to think. with the spotting over now- im left with so much watery cm and sometimes ewcm that when i go to the bathroom i seriously have to wipe like 5 times. i know most of you will say its semen-- but its all day long, everytime i go to the bathroom.. since monday. ive been feeling the texture, and smelling it.. ( gross i know! ) and it has absolutely no smell, and is slimy and streches( not real far... but somewhat) my husband and i have only had sex twice this week, and that cant ALL be from him right??

i know i'll probably get comments to 'calm down' and to 'relax' or 'it will happens when it happens, be patient' but im not writing this because im being impatient. im writing this because im trying to learn, and figure out whats going on with my body. i completely believe that things happen for a reason- and i know my time will come. i for one, think i am handling this entire situation with so much strength. i should be almost 21 weeks pregnant right now. i should have found out the sex of my baby this past week. but im not, and while i sometimes still think and get upset over it- its not going to help anyone. not me, not my husband... not my baby. i have dealt with the loss of my little one, and am ready to try again.

so with all that said, that is my little updated life story for now!

Amber