01-5-2008 - Tough Times

My mood while writing this blog: frustrated

Last night I opened up to my DH and had to share some feelings that overcame me in the hospital with my mom. They had her on the delivery floor and I saw at least three babies. They have a split floor, one end is delivery and the other is for women in general. Well I was standing at the elevator with my mom and grandmother readyt o be discharged and I had a feeling of emotion like, Will I ever get to experience that with Angel. My eyes started watering and I had to fight it because I did not want my family to see. It was about my mom and I did not want to grab any attention. I just told Angel about it, he is the only one I can really talk to becasue he is going through it with me. It is that longing and inpatientness, not knowing if you will ever be blessed like that! I know it is God's gift, but I feel like he does not want me to have it sometimes. When people remind me of that I think I am just not good enough or deserving to me a mother and share that with my husband.