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16-9-2009 - excerpt from my private blog

My mood while writing this blog: maintaining ground

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My womb is empty.
I have three babies in heaven.
We've been trying for a year to have a healthy baby.
It is overwhelming, sad, disheartening, heartbreaking~

Yes, I struggle with this reality every day.
Each week I feel emptier.
Each pregnancy test with a single lonely line breaks my heart.
Every dream about miscarrying breaks me into a sweat and pounds my heart.
This has become part of who I am.
But I don't suffer only in silence.
I talk about it.
I wear my necklace, so even strangers ask about & hear about my babies.
I cry about it. Lots.
Sometimes I retreat into a hole, because I need to focus on dealing with my pain.
And because my burden is so very hard to bear, I simply can't deal with the burdens of others.

But I {am} here.
{Still} breathing.
And {most} days, still smiling. :)
{God} provides.
He is {good}.

So I wait.
And wait.

And wait.

And learn to {{WAIT ON HIM}}.

Continue to pray with us.
Don't forget us.
Don't dismiss our heartache, thinking it's gone because it's been a couple months.
It never goes away.

And the realization every morning that {{"I'm still empty"}} stings harder as each month passes.


Rejoice with us that we have God's grace enfolding us.
Praise the Lord along with us, for He is in control of our family.
Exalt the name of God with us since we trust Him for His promises -- yes, the Old Testament was for us.
Glorify the King of the universe for daily sustaining us and never forsaking us.

Pray that we would have {hope} for the future.
Pray that we would have {strength} for each day.
Pray that we would be blessed with {more children}.
Pray that we would be overwhelmingly {thankful} for our wonderful marriage & incredible son.
Pray that we would reach out to others in our situation and {minister} to them with our experience.
Pray that we would be filled with {joy}.
Pray that we would be {fruitful}.

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12 Comments on excerpt from my private blog


ImWaiting4Baby - Saturday, 24 Oct
Goes for me Too!

shawshoo - Saturday, 19 Sep
This is beautiful hun, thanks for the morning cry! And the necklace is amazing, I didn't realize that you already recieved it.

littlesunshine - Thursday, 17 Sep
Just beautiful.

amandunn - Wednesday, 16 Sep
This brought tears to my eyes. It is so very true and so very sad. We can only pray that God is gracious enough to let us have the babies we so desire. I hope you're hanging in there. You've been such a shoulder for me the last couple of weeks, you deserve to be held up as well. *hugs*

butterfly-angel - Wednesday, 16 Sep
Beautiful Melissa - well said...I feel your pain - and the part "don't forget us...it never goes away" - wow....thank goodness for the wonderful girls we have met on ttc after loss - because everyone else seems to have forgotten...I pray with you that you will get your little miracle. big hugs beautiful Red xxx

kbielec - Wednesday, 16 Sep
May your prayers be answered, may your womb be full, may your pain be healed. You are always in my thoughts.

SaraJoy - Wednesday, 16 Sep
So, so beautiful. Well said honey, and you know you are in my prayers. Not just for a baby, but for peace and fortitude and grace. God's plan can be awfully tough to swallow, but you're right - his promises are true each morning. You are shining the light, even when you feel so dim. I'm so glad I've gotten to know you. {HUGS}SJ

Blessedbeyondbelief - Wednesday, 16 Sep
This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you!

roosa - Wednesday, 16 Sep
That is so well written. Really beautiful, and true.. I just want to give you a big hug. May you soon be empty no more, but be fruitful and restored. Praying for you! xox

SarahBeth13 - Wednesday, 16 Sep
Beautifully written and so heartfelt. Thank you for sharing.

mamagarces - Wednesday, 16 Sep
i have to repeat diane on this*AMEN*♥

Diane-taketwo - Wednesday, 16 Sep
*Amen!*