If no one remembers or knows I was only 18 years old (still in many ways considered a teen) when I took that pregnancy test, the test that changed the rest of my life forever. I remember the horrible and heightened sense of smell and how nauseuated I became. I remember the hours I would spend at toilet bowl puking up the breakfast, the lunch and/ or dinner I had just moments before. I remember how I almost failed one semester of college because I could not handle the stress and the intense morning sickness I had.

I will never forget my mother's reaction when I told her I was pregnant, she sat up the entire day and night crying because there was no way I could afford raising this baby and all of the doctor appointments I would have. And thats with a support of my boyfriend who has a fulltime job as an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT). No one knew how much of a burden I felt that day. Everyone can accept a baby, I mean everyone in my family loves Aidan, but no one not even me wanted to accept the responsibility that comes with a baby.

I was never and still not the type of person who goes out to parties. In fact I've always been a very introverted person who prefers to keep to herself rather go out and get wasted with friends. I'm responsible I'm a fulltime student at my college, and who ever though online courses were easy never had any. My online classes are so much harder than the classes I had to attend.

My very strong and stable relationship with my boyfriend has changed drastically, we've been together for over 2 years and I remember how much everything had changed for the worse. We are still getting through it. In fact we are not even together right now.. We love each other and still spend together as a family, but right now we are trying to figure out if we are able to be together for the rest of our lives. No its not because of our son Aidan we aren't together, I'll never say he's to blame. Its because we weren't ready to be parents, it was our foolishness that led us to where we are. I mean you are never prepared no matter how much the baby is wanted, but I'll tell you whoever thinks a baby will make your relationship stronger, better and much more fullfilling can't be anymore wrong. If anything a baby puts your stable/or unstable relationship to the test. I love Jeff (Aidan's dad) more than words can say and he's an wondeful father and overall great guy! Our relationship at the time became more stressful than we could handle. Two passive people became two very argumentative people. Will that be how we are forever? Hope not, I like to think he'll be the guy I'll end up marrying one day. I like to think most of what we are going through is just a phase and everything will get better.

I will never forget how many of my long time friends stopped talking to me altogether because I got pregnant. It got hard for them to relate to me because I was having a kid and they weren't. They weren't the party animals either or these horrible and cruel people who thinks anyone who has kids are not cool to hang with. Its just we hardly anything to say to each other anymore. They had their carefree lives to live and I now have a life full of responsibilities. I can't go out anytime I want. In fact I have to plan at least a week or so advance and make sure I come home at a reasonable hour. Because its very rude for someone to watch your child beyond 9. My son didn't sleep an entire night I went to get time for myself because the stress inside me was literally hurting me to the point I hated to wake up every morning.

I remember how hard and tough labor was and how I would of traded to be anybody for the whole world just for a second. The many hours of labor pains is worse than any horrible period pains you've ever had in a lifetime altogether. And the funny part about this was I hadn't felt the true pains you get. I had an epidural and everything and I remember giving birth to my son was the MOST painful time of my life. And I like I've been through some very painful moments in my life before giving birth. Oh nope, nothing more painful than giving birth rather you do it medicated or naturally. I remember I didn't have any sleep prior to giving birth. I remember how badly I just wanted an hour of sleep, but couldn't because I had a crying baby in my hands. You expect and want someone even for a moment to care him. It hurts so badly to go and guess what I was one of the very FEW people who didn't rip down below.

I remember caring for my son Aidan was the scariest moments of my life. For a whole week I went with only few hours of sleep altogether!! And thats me trying to sleep when he slept. I remember how badly I wanted people's help, but felt too ashamed because I felt like they would tell me "I told you so!." Oh and postpartum depression...

Postpartum Depression is something I still battle. I want to get on medication, I still do. In fact I'm still battling it.. I've had depression all my life, but nothing could prepare me for PPD.. Its awful to care for a baby and crying your eyes out. Maybe it would of helped if someone was there to watch him for a bit to let me clear my head. But I didn't and I couldn't. I had to continue on fake smiling and trying to be this strong woman that I wasn't. No one understands how many times suicide crossed my head and then when I would look at my son and cry even harder because how bad of a mom I felt I would be if I did such a thing. I couldn't help it, no one can, its just a chemical imbalance in the head that does this. I know many other women had thoughts of killing themselves and killing their babies. Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Psychosis can do this.. None of these women in their right minds really wanted to kill their babies or kill themselves. Its just the unbalanced chemicals in their head caused from their pregnancy gave them these thoughts.. Good news for me is I'm getting help this week and getting on medication to help me out, but its so sad for those women who waited too late. Whether something as awful as death had happened or all those days or even months of not getting to bond with their baby b/c of what PPD can do to a woman..

I remember one time I asked my mom if it made me a bad mom that I didn't feel bonded with my son. I didn't have that overly lovey feeling that I thought I should be having... No one knew how much during my pregnancy I would of traded my life for my son. And how horrible and awful of a feeling to not feel close to their own flesh and blood! I cried myself to sleep because of it. I mean now of course I feel extremely close with Aidan, but do you know how long that took?? I probably should've felt that close to him a couple weeks after his birth. I still feel guilty over it, but I know it wasn't me that caused this it was something more..

There's so much more than will meet the eye and it breaks my heart so many teens try or want a baby so young. I feel like at 20 years old I'm TOO young for a baby. A very close friend of mine had hers at 16 and I wish she could give her life story on how hard it really was for her.

I don't get to live the same experiences as others my age gets to.. I'm totally jealous that my 17 year old sister is moving out to a dormitory at College this year and get to experience the freedom I wish I got live.

I get so angry at my sisters who may watch or babysit my son for a very short amount of time when I'm trying to finish up some work for the college classes I take online. I appreciate the help so much, but hate it when they think its so easy to care for him. Its like I wish they lived in my shoes for a moment, I wish they cared for him 24 hours a day and 7 days a week before making those statements, because no experience with babies makes you anymore prepared for a baby thats your own!!

I will support teens who unexpectantly got pregnant and encourage them. I will stand up for them like I had on the forums and in person because I was once considered a teen mom. But I will NOT support teens who are trying to get pregnant on purpose. And its because of my own experience and many others is my reasoning why. I was a teen mom and so many other young girls I know and care about are too and guess what we all had wished we had waited.

I don't mind so much if people disagree with me, but if my opinion outrages you, just go ahead and delete me. I'm not here to be preachy but to tell my side of the story. Moms of any age go through plenty, why would you want to do it at 14,15,16,17 and at times even 20?? A baby is not a something you have for a short time they will be in your life forever. I have more on this subject to say but just going to stop at this.