08-10-2008 - baby stuff

My mood while writing this blog: happy

It feels weird as it is 10.51pm and my baby is asleep in his room. He is not too good on the being alone thing. And I am trying to follow my own instincts when it comes to him and trust myself. I have been researching whenever I can about sleeping and newborns as I was determined not to make mistakes with him but I still doubt myself and fear people saying 'I told you so'. I look after children for a living and my record with getting kids to sleep is fantastic even ones I just met that day, but my little baby needs me so much. And I am afraid to say that I did exactly the same thing with my three girls. They all fell asleep at the breast despite my trying to wake them up - they all had problems going to sleep on their own and I have and had a problem with them crying. I dont like it and it makes me cry to hear him cry. I cannot bear to hear my little one crying for me, even when I know he just doesnt want to be alone, or doesnt want to sleep in the cot. I let them all sleep with me while I breastfed, as I do with my boy now. It just worked better. I would get up and make a cuppa tea and change a nappy and put the tele on quietly and sit in the lounge room and feed them but then I would fall asleep myself on the couch and I thought this was heaps more unsafe than being in bed with my little one. Apparently many cultures dont even have a cot for their babies, they let them sleep in the family bed. I have even heard of women who teach their babies to go without a nappy; they anticipate when the baby will need to wee or poo and they take them to the sink or toilet I am guessing and I find this amazing but that is another matter. the thing is, what is best for us all is what works for us all. When he gets a bit older I will try to get him into a routine of sleep, feed, play but for now my baby needs me and that is what I am responding to. I cant help feel a little messed up over what happened last year (for those of you who know) and hold my baby even closer. I have said this before about how much I love him but I am literally trying to soak every moment up with him as I know that unless we win a massive amount of money, I wont be having any more children and I know that they grow up so fast but I do love this baby stage so much. In fact the first year is the best for me. I equally adored my girls when they were babies as well. I also appreciate them so much now, I am however prematurely grey and I know it is because of raising 3 children by myself for a few years and having to take them to the supermarket after work etc etc. anyway, my oldest is turning 14 tomorrow - amazing! all my kids are loving their little brother and literally nag me about when they can hold him and are constantly saying how cute and gorgeous and beautiful he is. He is just getting soooo many kisses and will be so adored as he grows up - I know it may not last when he gets to be a toddler but one can only hope.

Bubby pecks at our necks or tries to eat our clothes or his hands when he is rooting for the nipple and I am not around. He certainly loves his milk and feeds OFTEN. He gets a bit grizzly when he has to fart or poop but sometimes has them without making a sound at all. He opens his mouth into a little circle sometimes and sometimes looks straight at me. Sometimes when I am feeding him he just looks into the distance and these are the times I feel like crying as he is so innocent and sweet and just doing his own thing with the innate knowledge of knowing how to suck and drink. He wriggles a lot when he sleeps, I know because I sleep with him but he may not always wake up. He bashes wildly with his hands sometimes and has been known to pull our glasses off. He will often open his eyes when he is asleep and then close them again. He smiles and I love it so much, although it is probably wind, but I dont care and he loves his showers well he may not love them but he doesnt hate them and seems to enjoy them. He doesnt interact or react to the water though, but I know in future he will look at it in wonder and awe. We are going to have a bath together at some point. He seems to enjoy going out and seems to sleep better when we go out. We went out yesterday for our first trip together in the car by ourselves and he slept in the car and in the pram mostly but he woke up unhappy so I fed him in the shopping centre and I half expected some sort of scene but I was fairly covered up but I did it just in the main shopping area not in a parent's room or anything, which our shopping centre doesnt have anyway. He does seem to be capable of sleeping for chunks of time which is reassuring to me. He did it yesterday and Sunday after we went to the market. By the way we discovered that my pram doesn't fit into my new car so had to buy another one from babyco that would fold up small enough. it is one of those 4 wheel jobs which I dont like but I cant go without the ability to put him in a pram. Of course I also had to buy a uv/insect cover which both came to $200. I wish I had said when people were asking what I needed that I needed one of those capsule covers that you put over the shopping trolley as I will probably need to buy one. the new pram has practically no room to carry anything in it so I cant go shopping and push a pram unless I put him in the trolley in which case I will need one of those covers.

I have to leave him this weekend as I need to do 2 courses on asthma and anaphylaxis and I am dreading leaving him. Hubby will be minding him so I have to express some milk but he hasn't had a dummy before so I dread what will happen. Luckily there is a gap between the two courses so I may be able to feed him in between the two if hubby brings him to me. I wouldnt leave him but I have to do these courses so I can go back to work and it co incides with my need to re do these courses again. I also have to do a first aid course which will go for a whole day but not for a few weeks. We are all going to have to grin and bear it I am afraid. there is no way of getting around it. Anyway I am going to check on him now so good night!