rosye13's I-am-pregnantblog

rosye13
	Age: 27 Country: U.S.A. Province/region: Ohio City: Chippewa Lake Partner: Married Children: Yes, 2 Pregnant: No Due date: 15 Sep ,2009 Occupation: Programmer
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: 478 days ago. Member since: 1060 days
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13-10-2009 - Stressing

My mood while writing this blog:
Stressed.

Okay, so first I just want to let everyone know that Gracie and Gabi are still doing wonderfully. Gabi has some gas issues and is crying quite a bit but hopefully that will pass. In the meantime we are giving her gripe water to help. We are so excited for Halloween. Last weekend we did all of our decorating and took the girls to a pumpkin patch. Gracie had such a great time. It was so much fun! They had all kinds of cute stuff for the little kids to do. They had an old west town that put on a little show every hour, pony rides, a family fun house, pumpkin painting, face painting . . . you get the idea. In the family fun house there was a room with strobe lights and music and Gracie danced in there for probably 20 minutes before we forced her to move along :) That girl loves to shake her bootie. Anyway, I am quite stressed out about a situation with my mom and looking for some advice. Most of you know that my Dad watches my daughters while we work. Well, last week was his very first week of watching the two of them. He is doing really, really well. Of course, beforehand we helped him out by coming over often to see how I handle things and we also had a "meeting" where we discussed everything that he needed to know. Now, some days my Mom is off work and she will come over and help him out. Well, she called and asked yesterday if it's okay if she stayed with the girls by herself so my Dad could go home and get some stuff done. I told her that I would have to talk to Jeff (my husband) about it first. I really don't feel comfortable with it and either does my husband. I don't feel comfortable with it because we haven't had a "meeting" where we discussed everything with her. Now, of course we could have a meeting and then I would feel okay about it. But Jeff still doesn't. And of course, it's not like he's saying that she can never watch the two of them alone. He just wants to wait until Gabi's a little older, and my Mom has a little better handle on how we want things done. And I agree with his reasoning for not wanting her to watch them. My mom has a very lackadaisical approach to parenting, and my husband and I are very much the opposite. She often criticizes the decisions that we make (in a some what joking way) so we don't feel that she will follow our "rules" when we aren't there. Some examples of issues we've had in the past so that you understand the situation better - The first time that she watched Gracie by herself, she made her a bottle with 6 ounces of water and 1 scoop of formula. Now, obviously all of you ladies know that it's 1 scoop per 2 ounces. And not only that, at the time Gracie was only eating 4 ounces at a time. She had gone over and let my Dad leave and evidently he didn't tell her how to make a bottle. But if she didn't know, why would she just guess??? Why not call us and ask how much Gracie eats? And how could you get the amount of scoops to ounces of water wrong when it has the directions right on the can??? And to top it all off, she thought it was hysterical. She was laughing when she told me about it. Needless to say Gracie's poor tummy didn't find it very funny. Example #2 - When watching Gracie when she was about 11 months old, she didn't feed her . . . all day. My husband and I left telling her that Gracie would probably be hungry around 5pm. We got home at 7pm and she says, oh, she hasn't been acting hungry. What?!?! So of course I ask Gracie if she is hungry and her eyes got huge and she toddles to the kitchen saying num nums, num nums. What the hell??? You didn't feed my child??? And, to top it all off, she was there with my Dad last Monday. And she didn't put Gabi's pants back on her. It's 50 degrees outside! It is not okay for my 7 week old to hang out in a diaper and tshirt. Now, I think that if I sat down with my Mom and went over everything very specifically and explained how important it was to us that things were done the way that we wanted, that she would make sure to do everything that way. But my husband really isn't ready to have her watch them. He does tend to be a worrier, but I can't say that I blame him. And I really have to support his decision. My husband and I firmly believe in putting each other before our parents so if he doesn't feel okay with it, then we really can't have her watching them yet. But, at the same time, I really don't want to hurt my Mom's feelings. I know that she really loves her granddaughters and would never intentionally hurt them. And I think it will seriously kill her to know that we don't trust her with them. But I also don't feel comfortable with it and I understand why my husband doesn't. What do I do??? I have to call her back and let her know if it's okay for her to stay with them next Monday afternoon. And on top of all of it is the fact that my Dad watches them for free. So if he has other stuff to get done and we won't let her stay with them then she can throw in our face that he does watch them for free . . . you get what I'm saying, right? But we could offer for Jeff to go help him get it done on a weekend. Anyway, as you can probably tell I could really use some advice! Please help me ladies!

10 Comments on Stressing

Kim-baby-2 - Friday, 16 Oct
Tough situation- however, I TOTALLY understand why you and your husband don't want her to watch the kids. Not feeding her all day-WTH???? That's just common sense. If she is your only option I would have a meeting w/her and discuss exactly what your concerns are. Those are your kids and she doesn't have to agree w/your ways but she needs to respect your routines and the way you want to raise your children. After clearing the air, if you and your husband decide to allow her to waatch the kids, I would print out a routine for her to follow hour by hour, letting her know that if this routine is not followed, you cannot allow her to watch the children anymore. It may seem harsh and hurt her feelings, but your children and their needs need to come first. I hope you are able to work out a solution...good luck. I feel for you :(

Nicoletka - Wednesday, 14 Oct
Sounds like a really delicate situation as you are dealing with your parents and I don't know how close you feel to your mother. I would definately sit her down and explain the importance of sticking to your rules and guidelines. They are after all your children and you have your own ways of parenting that need to be respected. I don't doubt that she doesn't love your children but in a gentle but firm way you need to make your worries known to her and if your husband feels strongly then it is really important that the three of you sit down together. Hope this helps x x x PS. Glad to hear all is well. I'm 36 weeks on friday and can't wait for my little miracle...

claire louise - Wednesday, 14 Oct
I hate it wen stuff like this happens, You really have to tlak with your mum as hard as it seems. Your hubby and girls have to come first. It would be wrong of her to go on about your dad having them for free your family. even if she does feel upset whats important is you ,hubby and girls are happy with whats happening.xxxxxx

Jacks Mammy - Wednesday, 14 Oct
I kinda know how you feel about her ignoring the rules that you and your husband have regarding your children. My mum and my sister look after my little boy while I'm at work and they ignore everything that I say about not giving him milk during the day, not letting him get his own way all the time, etc. Now when I have him when I am off work he has terrible temper tantrums when he does not get what he wants and he won't eat much food because he is being filled up on milk while I'm not there. I can't just stop them from watching him though because I cannot afford to pay the high costs of childcare. Go with what your instincts tell you to go with and if they throw anything back in your face then just remind them that your dad enjoys looking after them and the mistakes that your mum has made in the past. Good luck and I hope things turn out OK for you x

aussiemamma2 - Tuesday, 13 Oct
l totally understand you feeling really stressed out!Maybe you can pre make the bottles and leave them in the fridge. She is your Mum and brought you up riigh?There must be some common sense looming..Now these are your kids so you make the rules.Do insist that you show her how to look after them like you would, but perhaps dont call it a meeting, just make it informal, show her how you like things done over a brunch or perhaps a glass of vino.You need to be comfortable leaving your kids with her, and since she is a Mum and loves her own kids she will natually understand if put to her in the right context where she doesnt feel belittled.You can do this!! xx

rlag7381 - Tuesday, 13 Oct
Sorry but I don't think that telling her the rules of what you want and don't want will work. I mean you did tell her she would be hungry at 5 and she didn't feed her. Sorry but I would have to say no to her. :(

deeyo - Tuesday, 13 Oct
I'm going through the same thing with my sister. SO as not to hurt her feelings, what I do is instead of dishing out "rules" I give her "reminders" with reasons as to why I do things for the baby or things are good or bad for the baby. You know, make it more informative rather than directive. It's an old teaching trick that makes the receiver of the information really want to be helpful. For example: "well, it's kinda chilly outside today: I guess we better make sure Gabi's fully dressed all day." That kind of thing. Hope this helps...

deeyore486 - Tuesday, 13 Oct
I feel the same way about my MIL watching the kids, but we have had many convos with her about it, we address the issues immediately and have on occasions denied her the opportunity because of it. I would let her watch them for very short periods of time, partly to try and keep the peace, but to also teach her how to care for them properly so that she has the opportunity to learn. Talk to her about how you want them cared for, leave a paper with specific instructions and talk to her about how things went when you get back. Start off with a very short trip to the store or something. 30-60min, then take it from there. And she may have laughed and not called about the formula thing because she was embarrassed. Its hard fessing up to your daughter that you are clueless!

jennifer27 - Tuesday, 13 Oct
Oh wow... I can see how tough a situation it is! I think if you and your husband aren't comfortable with it, you need to follow your instict and let her know that you aren't okay with it. Obviously it's going to hurt her feelings, but hopefully if you explain your reasoning (about being the type of people that worry, and explaining that your Dad has been watching them for a while and know the routine), she'll understand. Sorry you have to make such a tough decision, I sure wouldn't want to!!

shesAWKWARD - Tuesday, 13 Oct
I personally wouldnt feel comfortable leaving my child with her. I mean w/ the formula thing.. ughh lol water is so awful to give a child so young. and plain not feeding a child.. is just wrong. i know she has a good heart and i am an outsider and dont know everything but thats just rediculous and careless. and to think things like the bottle is funny.. ugh. lol Sorry i know she is your mom but i just wouldnt. Maybe you can tell her that your rules are important to you and you have to leave your children with someone that you trust to fallow them.. but maybe say it in a nice yet firm way. lol

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