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24-11-2008 - My lost baby

My mood while writing this blog: Sad Beyond Belief

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Firstly, thank you to all my friends who have offered such kind words and hope.

Today my doctor told me that my HCG levels are dropping and that I have definitely lost my baby. I am meant to be 9 weeks, but my baby died at 6 1/2 weeks. I've been told that because it was so early, they won't do a D&C but will leave me to miscarry whenever it happens. That is going to be so hard, because as far as I know, my cervix is still closed and I'm not bleeding. How long must I carry my dead baby? Apparently I have to have another blood test later this week and another ultrasound in a few weeks time.

My partner and I wanted this baby so much. I am so sad, I have failed my little baby. It is something you never expect to happen, and when it does it kills you.

I love you my little baby. You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten.

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16 Comments on My lost baby


SarahNS - Monday, 1 Dec
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your hubby all of the best.

louisec - Friday, 28 Nov
Hi the same thing happened to me at 8 wks . lost it naturally within it being confirmed , it can take a few more weeks as your body can be little slow at picking it up. I was at home. just make sure you have strong pain killers and some support. so sorry
lou

Janet8 - Wednesday, 26 Nov
Oh SarahAnn. I'm so sorry to hear your news. I know that there isn't anything that anyone can tell you to make you feel any better. I can tell you that there is no rhyme or reason for these things. What helped me is knowing that if there WERE something we could do to change the course of a pregnancy, there would be no unwanted pregnancies in this world, so even if there was something that you think you didn't do right, it is not likely to have any effect on your baby.

I am not sure why your doctor wants you to carry this through. If it is too much for you to take on emotionally, ask for Cytotec tablets - they bring on the uterine contractions. It is very painful (both physically and emotionally), so prepare yourself with medication and whatever else you can to support you through this.

If you want to chat with someone who has been through this, please give me a shout.
XXXX

minkymoo78 - Wednesday, 26 Nov
You haven't failed anyone, this is out of your control. Please don't be mad with yourself. I really feel for you, it is heartbreaking going through m/c no matter how many times it happens. I really am truly sorry. Helen xx

stacky - Tuesday, 25 Nov
I am so sorry for what has happened! You are in my thoughts! We are all here for you always! Hugs!

allioop - Tuesday, 25 Nov
I'm so sorry for your loss. As I told you earlier, I experienced 2 m/c's in the last 4 years. My 2nd one I was also advised to let it pass naturally which ended up in an emergency situation because I started bleeding heavily (I was about 8 weeks when the baby stopped growing). Not saying that will happen to you, but please be aware that if you start bleeding heavily you need to call your Dr. right away. It is better for the body to let it pass naturally as D&C's are of course surgery and carry certain risks, especially to future pregnancies although the risk is extremely small. But emotionally I would have to agree that it was difficult to carry a pregnancy that I knew was not viable and I was so relieved when it was over, in spite of having to still have an emergency D&C. My Dr. gave me a choice though--if you feel strongly that it would be better to go ahead with the D&C right now, make your feelings known to your Dr. Just keep in mind that if it doesn't pass in the next 2 weeks or you start bleeding heavily you need to call your Dr ASAP. I will keep you in my prayers---remember it is NOT your fault!!

liz82 - Tuesday, 25 Nov
i am soo sorry for you what your going trough hun i wish i could just take your pain away here goes a big HUG for you if you need someone to talk to i am here

newmomcop - Tuesday, 25 Nov
I am so sorry, my prayers are with you, and it is not your fault!!

RainbowRach - Tuesday, 25 Nov
I am so sorry your worst fears have come true. Please dont think you failed your baby, there is really nothing you could have done. It just wasnt meant to be. ((hugs)) I know how difficult this time is.
I would strongly advise you to go back to the Dr and ask for a D&C anyway. I had medical management for my m/cs I am not sure if they offer that where you are, let me know if you want more detail. If you think waiting for your baby to pass naturally will cause you more distress, go back and push for D&C which will give you closure and help you start the healing process.
My only other advice to you is to be easy on yourself, if you want to cry - let it out, if you want to be angry - put all the pillows on your bed in a pile and just punch them (that really helped me). Remember people who have not gone through a loss may offer you advice which may upset you, try not to let it get to you. Try to keep communicating with your partner and family . I am here if you want to chat x

prayin2god41 - Tuesday, 25 Nov
oh hun i am so sorry for ur loss. I hope everything gets better for u

~ I luv my boyz ~ - Tuesday, 25 Nov
my condolences dear and as hard as this is everything happens for a reason when a woman miscarries it means most of the time it was a genetic thing and it was natures way its not your fault...just remember that and you will concive again and goon tohave another daughter or son this baby will come back to you.......
Stay strong and my best wishes to you......

shez05 - Tuesday, 25 Nov
Im so sorry to hear that - I had a miscarrige at the start of this year so I know what you must be going through! My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time! Lots of BIG hugs and kisses xo

oldfirstimer - Tuesday, 25 Nov
My heart is breaking for you!! I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my thoughts and prayers through this tough time while you try and heal from your pain!!

LailasMommy - Tuesday, 25 Nov
i am truly very sorry i really prayed for you and i had really hoped the best for you!!!
your really deserve to have another little one of your own and you will....now all you have to do once the baby has finally miscarried is pray and try again.....everything gets better in time trust me.....i'm am soooo soo deeply sorry for your loss but there is nothing you could have done to prevent it i'm pretty sure of that so please don't blame yourself:)

God bless you!!!!

JUDE 2 - Tuesday, 25 Nov
Please dont think you failed your baby it is one of those things that you will probably never know the answer to but its not your fault sometimes nature takes over. I know that nobody can take your pain away and im so sorry you are going through this but please dont blame yourself you will make it so much harder to recover if your full of guilt. Take care

LittleFeet - Tuesday, 25 Nov
I'm in tears ... my thoughts are with you ... lots of hugs ...