02-11-2012 - HERE I AM AGAIN!

My mood while writing this blog: anxious

Well, here I am again. I cannot believe I have been a member of this site through the last 5-6 years. I am currently pregnant with baby number three! This baby is very much planned and very much wanted. My fiance and I are thrilled to be pregnant. Its sorta of seems like all of my pregnancies have been fate, as they changed my life in such a dramatic way. At the time they seemed so inopportune, but looking back Ive decided it was divine intervention. After reading through some of my blogs I am saddened to realize how terribly unhappy I was during my last pregnancy. There was so much chaos and I am so lucky to have found the man I was meant to be with all along. We have been together for almost two years and have known each other for 4. He was there for me all through my chaotic second pregnancy, he saw me grow, saw me cry, saw me binge eating in the 9th month, lol. Then when my son was born he came right along and decided that I was the woman he was meant to be with and that he was going to be the father my son needed.

We have had two miscarriages in the past year and finally settled on the fact that my endometriosis was beyond help. I am due to have my uterus removed on november 28th in SF. The endometriosis has caused my uterus and my bladder to fuse together. I know that during pregnancy the hormones will cause my endo to recede, but I dont know if it will totally heal my adhesion. All I know is, we want this baby so bad. Im willing to suffer through whatever I have to. I mean, I should have had a hysterectomy on the 4th of October, but through some freak occurence my surgeon became irritated with his crew and literally WALKED out during my surgery...Which I am still tying up all the legal loose ends on that one! Then to suddenly be pregnant, I dont know what else to think except that this child is meant to be. I see no other way about it. I am so terrified that Im going to have another miscarriage and be heart broken, but if that happens I guess I will just try again and toss aside the notion of a hysterectomy. I wasnt ready for one anyway but the pain from the adhesion can sometimes be unbearable.

So here I am, four weeks pregnant....Pray for me ladies. I will be praying for all of us to have a safe and healthy pregnancy!