11-9-2008 - Could this be a touch of "Baby Blues"?

My mood while writing this blog: Confused, Exausted

So Felix is 4 and a half months old now, and up until now, emotionally I have been right as rain. I thought "Phew" But the last 2-3 days I have found myself feeling really angry and bitter. I really HATE myself for feeling this way...Felix is an amazing baby and I just love him more than anything in this world, But I think he's teething or got abit of reflux or maybe even I'm not supplying enough breastmilk, but whatever it is, Felix has not been his usual self. He's never been a great sleeper, right from the get go, but it seems he is getting progressively worse, it takes me an hour, sometimes more of bouncing him in his hammock to get him to sleep, and he generally awake within 20mins, unless I sit there bouncing him for an hour or 2 then he'll get his nap in. He's been less happy then usual too, still a happy boy, but he cries more and gets upset whenever I try to give him any floor time. He even gets grumpy when I hold him, which he never did before. So really I'm not sure if its these things or a combination of all of them but I really am not feeling great emotionally, I even kicked my cat yesterday when she almost tripped me over, I had to give her kisses 5 mins later once I'd realised that I had overreacted. I'm not usually a short tempered person, but I feel like a need a punching bag...and I'm really hating feeling this way. Could it be hormones? I just finished my first period in like almost 2yrs, could the hormones be doing this to me?! Whatever it is I really really want it to stop, I feel like no one I know will understand, and as I am living in a different country to family and friends, I feel very alone, Simon my hubby doesnt understand, I got angry with him today and told him how I've been feeling (whilst yelling at him) and he yelled at me not to take my shit out on him then. I just went to bed. So I would really appreciate some feedback from anyone really. I'm not turning into a mental case am I? BTW, I have also been having horrible nightmare about people I know getting murdered and people trying to murder me, this has also been for about the same time that I've been feeling angry. Anyway thanx for listening, I just really hope this goes away. I hate feeling bitter towards my baby boy makes me want to cry cry cry.