21-1-2009 - Breathing again

My mood while writing this blog: Unsure but optimistic

Before I lost the baby I didn't think about ttc this much it was something that would cross my mind while I waited for the AF that I didn't track. It was something I wanted but was willing to wait for and now it's something I crave. The ttc addiction.

They say you never know how much you wanted something until it's gone and that stands true even with children. I always wanted to be a mom but I never realized just how much until I lost the baby. But me stressing over it day after day month after month won't do me or my want any good. I need to be in a healthy, happy state on mind and coming here is only taking me back to what I lost. It takes me back to the urgency I feel to get pregnant rather than the desire or want. It's become more of a have to rather than a would love to.

My life is more than ttc. Now I just need to focus on the rest of it rather than that small part of it. So back out into the normal life I had before the m/c. I am done letting it get me down and take control of my emotions. I won't ever forget the day I found out I was pregnant or the day it was taken away. I won't forget the due date or the ladies I met while going through a dark time. I will remember the laughs I had with you all and the joy I felt when someone got a BFP. But right now I will let it be a chapter in my life not my life.

Huge hugs to everyone! And Ems I am pulling for you to have a great pregnancy to the end, I will keep you in my thoughts.

Lots of love,

Sheena