The $185 Pregnancy Jeans: Buyer Beware

As I start my eighth month of pregnancy, I recognize that I am no longer a pregnancy newbie and can now identify some naive mistakes made during my first trimester.

I look back on my ten weeks pregnant self and see her and a college friend exuberantly shopping at *A Pea in the Pod.* (I have always thought that the lamest name for a store, btw.) Realizing that jeans are a wardrobe staple, I wanted a new pair. Specifically, I wanted maternity jeans.

The ass kissing and oh-so-helpful salesgirl was handing me jeans one after the other. When a pair of Seven For All Mankind were tried on, Kirsten and I knew they were the pair. They looked great. They looked so great, as a matter of fact, that I boldly declared I would have them altered and wear them post-pregnancy. Having never owned a pair of Sevens, I splurged. I splurged to the tune of $185. (Man, that hurts to see in print.) I have never spent this much money on jeans. Ever. Rationalizing that I would probably only be pregnant once, (I will be at the geriatric maternal age of 39 when I deliver) I went for it. Of course, to the Monday morning quarterback, it is obvious that this rationalization could also be used NOT to buy those jeans. Duh.

So I started to wear the jeans soon after the purchase. Despite it being a typical September in Las Vegas and really freakin hot outside, I wore them because I could not wait to rock them. . Putting them on takes effort, though as the jeans are made of stretchy material, tough to pull on and have no functioning zipper. I wonder if dressing room amnesia is responsible for me not remembering these idiosyncrasies prior to purchasing the jeans? The stretchy belly is constricting and at this point, way too big. It comes up to my boobs, so I end up folding it down. I cannot imagine that in a few months time I will fill out that *comfort fit* stretchy material.

Flash forward six months later, these jeans are now known as the *torture device.* I have learned to only wear them in public for short outings as they are so uncomfortable. The *comfort fit* stretchy belly feature is anything but and is particularly intolerable when the Braxton Hicks happen. Furthermore, that damn *comfort fit* belly has started to fray, which only adds insult to my checkbook*s injury. The pregnancy weight gain calls for major manipulation to stretch the material over my expanded thighs and I must lean against a wall for balance when putting them on. Once on, they start to sag and the jeans crotch sinks three to four inches lower than my anatomical crotch. I feel like a gang-banger from the early 90s!! LOL. Either I am waddling as a result of the sagging crotch or I am constantly heaving, tugging and shoving my hands in the jeans pockets to pull up the infernal material. The last time I wore them, I knew it would be the last time I wore them. It*s just a shame that they look so good, but at this point in the pregnancy, I have learned to sacrifice style for comfort.

To all the first trimester pregnant ladies, take heed from an older and now wiser third trimester-er and please beware of the $185 pregnancy jeans trap! It*s all about sweats and leggings, peeps!