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13-4-2008 - new to site...

My mood while writing this blog: ok

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m not exactly sure where to start here...i told myself i wouldnt actually take the time to create my own blog simply because i really dont have the time, but here i am doing it anyways...right now i am about 18 weeks pregnant...with twins...i cant express enough just how much this scares me to death for manby reasons...now that i nkow theres two i am afraid something will happen to one and i dont know that i can bear it, ive become extremely clumsy lately and am getting really worried about it...secondly, its looking like boys, i had alays wanted a boy, but ended up with two girls instead...but now that the eldest is almost four and the younger daughter is one, i just feel lost, i don't know how to raise a boy, im used to girls, and not only that after two of them ive really gotten into the hang of it...most of the mothers i know all have sons, but it seems like the more i get advice from them the more lost i feel, all i could think about before was that i was finally getting my boy, and definetly getting my tubes tied, and i could finally buy boy things, i grew up with brothers, so i knew i wanted the girls to have one, but two at once, i feel lost, not scary lost but just really out of my element...i feel like this is my first pregnancy, i cant even imagine what itll be like, everything is just so different this time...my fiance is happy, but i dont think the sex will matter to him regardless, i think hes nervous too, but he seems to deal with things on his own so theres no way to know whats going on in his head...but so far it looks like both babies ate growing well(knock on wood)and my eldest is getting more excited by the day, i had the hiccups last week and shes convinced herself she can feel them kick already lol...

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