11-6-2008 - Thursday May 15 2008

My mood while writing this blog: emotionally confused

well, tomorrow is the day...I have made up my mind on where I stand and tomorrow will let me see what I will do. this has been a very emotional time for me, thank you for the support. If nothing changes for the better, even if its the same, I will not continue, and I will do the medical Termination. to be a single mother is hard, to have a "normal" infant and a 7 yr old would have been very draining, emotionally and financially, heck I cant afford my life now...but to have a baby with all these problems, mentally, neuorlogically, there is no way, being a single mother with absolutely no support from the father who now wants absolutely nothing to do with the baby because he wont be "normal" I have decided and I have come to terms with my decision. He deserves to be happy and he would be more happy with God, rather than sick and disabled here. Selfish, maybe, but it is the right thing to do for me. If hopefully he improved, than I will continue....however I came across a medical site today with a case very similar to mine, everything was looking okay with the brain at 22 wks for her, then at 32 wks when she went back, there was the brain damage....nothing until then, so I guess me thinking...ooh yay, nothing wrong with his brain....doesnt mean that cannot change. He is already dealing with so many problems, within 3 days his anemia got so worse they are already bringing up a transfusion. So I am sorry if any of you feel I let you down, but this is my choice, my decision, and my life...and its the hardest decision I have ever had to make. Lets hope that God heals him, and lets me see some light tomorrow.