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03-4-2012 - light very light

My mood while writing this blog: in between

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I was so excited today. I made it to work before on time. A very great accomplishment since I returned to work in Sept after a melt down. I stopped taking anti-anxiety and depression meds in July in order to be able to conceive. However, my wicked co-workers made life a living hell. Since then the witch retired and we are sent our separate ways.

Back to today, I went to my appointment for work. We did light walking and low impact driving. I felt this afternoon that I need to do a #2 and when I wiped after trying to use the restroom I saw a faint color of pink on my tissue. It is not something I want to send me into panic mode. Reading the other posts doesn't bring me warm fuzzies. Everytime someone writes MC it makes me cringe. I want to think in my Christian faith that God brought us this seed to grow and He wants to see it thru.

I have been so excited about my first OB appointed slated for 4/19. I even called today to see if I could take allergy medicine. In which, a nurse assured me that I could take claritin or zyrtec (incl the generic) as well as tylenol or Benedryl. Being this is my first pregnancy I feel very paranoid because as I mentioned in my earlier blog I don't want to share with the folks I work with because they talk around me so I don't believe in sharing. There is a pregnant person here but it is very catty. If no one is here to speak to her then I am her culprit to engage in convo. It is such a weird dynamics and it is very confusing.

My husband worked my nerves again. I just want to get myself together enough and be okay with working out. I normally do Zumba but now I am afraid to do any exercise due to what I saw on my tissue. I had first notice a brown spot on my liner but after reading a few blogs I see that it is a common thing and some women are just different.

I come from Old School way of thought "don't share until it is confirmed". Then the thought of not everyone will be happy for you new found blessing. I am discovering bc I am not in touch with a friend whom is a minister. Some of her congregation has given birth to their first child. I can tell from these acquaintences that they are capable of not telling people. But I want to share so badly with people I think are happy for me. I have not heard back from my 2 big sisters. One is my God Sister and the other an older sibling of a childhood friend. I really want to talk to someone other than my mom.

Mom is a smoker. Yesterday she told me I was making about me when I asked her to not smoke any longer. It kind of pissed me off. Let's be real I was angry. At this point, I don't want her telling my brother either. He recently tried to get his girlfriend pregnant. They MC at 5 weeks. The GF is very controlling and competitive of my brothers affection. So I am in a tiff.......

Back to work for me.

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