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15-8-2010 - Trying not to get my hopes up

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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Today, according to my lmp, makes me 8w5d. So far I've had no bleeding, no spotting, no abnormal pains. I have had: lots of m/s, constipation, weird cravings, the pains from my uterus expanding, back pain, sciatic pain, sleeplessness, extremely frequent urination, and super crazy emotions. I am trying not to get my hopes up because I don't want to bond with a baby that doesn't exist and get so excited only to have my heart crushed like I have the past 3 times I have m/c.
One day I will tell myself that no bleeding at all, and all these symptoms that I didn't have with my last m/c have to be a good sign. Then the next day I will think how it's weird that I've had absolutely no bleeding, not even implantation bleeding, when I had implantation and random bleeding with my daughter. I'm also worried about finances. And about the fear that we wait until the end of my 1st trimester to get an u/s only to find out there's no baby and I have to go thru the horrific pain of a 12+wk m/c. My first m/c was at 13 wks and it was such horrible pain and there's nothing to get you thru it, because you know there's not a baby at the end of it. I really don't want to have to go thru that again.
Plus I'm dealing with my husband treating me like I have leprosy. He's anxious and worried too and he's so distant from me. I just wish if something bad was going to happen that it would just go ahead and happen so I can get on with my life and I can try to get back to normal.

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3 Comments on Trying not to get my hopes up


My2nd - Friday, 27 Aug
Wow, so nice to see your name again...so sorry this is how you are feeling honey. I hope all is well with you hubby, bubba and sista! Keep well and don't be so scarse okay?!?!

jdubb - Monday, 16 Aug
I know how you feel and mty bf is treating me wierd too because he doesn't want to get his hopes up so he keeps being negative and saying he doesn't think I am pregnant because he is scared to be hurt again. Hopefully when our men see those babies on the ultrasound they can relaz too. Men jus thave a different way of going about things.

lil.pigz - Monday, 16 Aug
Oh hun, I know what you are feeling! I've been there with my last 3 babies, expecting the worst, convinced of the inevitable, wishing to just get it over with. These are the 3 I had no incidents with and had uneventful pregnancies though,lol. So maybe you finally have the laidback, peaceful pregnancy you deserve:-)Find solace in the fact you are NOT bleeding though, and ms is actually a good sign, they say:-) I'd say you have a pretty sticky healthy baby in there♥