18-12-2008 - Wow...10 more weeks

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

So...today I am officially 30 weeks pregnant! As odd as it sounds, while I am amazingly happy that I will soon have my little baby girl to hold and love, I am kinda depressed that I won't be pregnant anymore. Yes, I will be happy to be able to somewhat eat and drink what I want (I plan on breastfeeding), but I don't know how I am going to deal with not having those little kicks and punches all day, not feeling this closeness and bond with my child. I know I will bond with her when she's delivered, but it's just going to be so different, you know? I have loved being pregnant. Truthfully the only thing that has really gotten the best of me is the mood. I have been super hateful almost this entire pregnancy. But, that's only to people around me. I have been very happy and content with myself and my little girl. I cannot imagine being separated from her. And I am dreading having people in my room, passing her around and keeping her from me. Lol. I told my husband a while back that now I know why animal mothers like cats leave and hide to have their babies and then keep them in a secret place until they are ready for the world to see them. I think every other woman who has ever given birth has felt this way too, so I know I will eventually get over it.

I am also dreading dealing with family. Not only DH's crazy huge family, but also my own. People keep talking about how I better call them when I am going to the hospital and how they are going to be first to baby sit and then my mom has made comments about how no one else is going to be able to pry the baby out of her hands (yes, that is the exact phrase she used). I told my mom and sister the other day how DH and I had decided that we were not going to lie to our child about Santa or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny and both of them threw a fit about it. My sister actually said that she didn't like that one bit and then asked who the presents were going to be from that she would buy for her. I was like ugh..you! I think I am going to just have to start telling people that I will raise my child the way I want to and if they have a problem with it then they need to have their own and leave mine alone! I am already tired of hearing everyone's 2 cents about what I need to do and how I need to do it and everything else. I don't know what's going to happen when she is actually here. I keep telling DH that pregnancy and having a baby would be great if it wasn't for family.

I believe I am going to try to go thru the first part of labor at home and then not let anyone know I am going to the hospital until after the baby is born. I want DH and I to enjoy the first moments with our daughter alone. I keep telling him this since I had to downright argue with his mother when she found out she would not be allowed in the delivery room, and since his cousin told me how his grandmother busted into the delivery room on her when she didn't want her in there. I also don't want a million people in the room at once. I believe I am going to talk with the nurses on duty and ask them to limit the number of people and to not allow kids in. There are kids on both sides of the family that are so misbehaved and horrible, that I do not want to have to deal with them misbehaving when I am trying to rest or enjoy my little one. Good grief, the whole point of this blog was supposed to be how happy I am feeling today and look...it turned into complaining and fears once again. That's how it always happens.

10 weeks or less til baby girl is here!