29-12-2008 - Making progress

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

So, if you read my last blog you know Christmas day with the in-laws was less than pleasant. That night I yelled at DH and told him he was wrong for not standing up for me and how horrible his mother and aunt were for doing that to me and went to bed crying. Well, the next morning I emailed DH and asked him if he still didn't understand why I was so upset. He said he thought it was because he didn't stop their attacks. I explained that was part of it, but for the most part I was upset about their treatment of me. We emailed back and forth. At first he started out by saying that they just cared for me a lot and when I kept saying you don't treat someone you care about like that he said he planned on talking to both his aunt and mother. Well, I took this to mean he was going to call them and tell them how wrong they were and that if they couldn't straighten up then we wouldn't be part of their lives anymore, so I let it go. DH then called on his way home from work and started talking about how close he wanted baby girl to be to both sides of the family. I took this as a slap in the face and realized he had no clue just had bad what they did was. So, I took the rest of Friday to think about it. I read a lot of stories and expert advice on the internet. Saturday night while DH was at the store I wrote him a 4 page letter explaining exactly how they acted made me feel and how they are always treating me poorly and how I will absolutely not be taking it anymore. I explained him nad me and our baby is our family now and his allegiance should be to us before all else because mine certainly is to him. I told him how I would not be going to his aunts or mother house again and how I didn't want either of them in my hospital room. I explained that our child is our child, we set the rules, we raise her, and we decide who sees her and when and I will absolutely never have anyone in my face telling me what they will be doing with my child again. I told him if I did have to interact with his mother again I would be making it clear to her that our child is not hers to decide things for or about. I told him how this should be the happiest time of our lives and inlaws on either side should not be stressing us out and we should definitely not let anyone or anything come between our relationship and marriage. After about an hour DH came and said he agreed with everything I said and it all sounded reasonable. I of course started crying and told him I wasn't trying to make him feel bad or be mean to anyone, but I just could not stand for being treated like that. He then said how he understood I "wasn't raised that way" and they just "couldn't treat me like they do everyone else". I had to stop DH there and tell him that they do not treat anyone else like that and I have never heard his aunt or mother attack and yell at anyone like that before. Let me mention here that his mother is seriously insane I believe, and a drunk, and about a year and a half ago she was arguing with DH's younger brother and stabbed him in the arm with a kitchen knife. Yes, stabbed him. Not sliced or cut, stabbed. So, you can probably see a little better now why I considered her manner threatening and her attacking me. Who is to say she wouldn't go off and try to cut me too?

Anyways, I don't think DH really is on board with me 100% but I feel better for having expressed everything and laid down the law to him. I don't know if he grasped the full extent of me saying his aunt and mother were not welcome in my hospital room, but when we get closer to the big day, I will be stressing that point again even if I have to go so far as to have the nurses prevent them from coming into my room. I will not have people who attack and threaten me around me or my child to ruin our happy day. MIL is a nut and who is to say she wouldn't try to take the child or something? I don't put anything past her.

Well, after all this happened, like I said, I took a long time to think things over. I began to appreciate my family more and more. While I have already had to sit down and have a talk with my mom because she is already getting a little crazy over the baby, I never have to fear for my or my child's safety around her and any time I sit down and talk to her she is rational and agrees that I am the child's mother and will set the rules. When I explained to her that we didn't plan to call anyone until after the baby was born, she was upset, but she agreed. When I try to be polite and tell her I wouldn't need her help after the delivery she was hurt, but said okay. Well, seeing how DH's family is, I realized I have been such an ass to my mom. This is her first grandchild and I am her daughter. My sister won't be having any children, and I want her to share in and enjoy this experience with me. So I told her that I appreciate all she has done for me and if she still wanted to take time off work and spend with us when baby is born that I would welcome it. I may live to regret this, lol, but I am hoping the joy of the occassion will override any hormonal issues.

DH and I are slowly making progress on the house as well. We keep taking more and more stuff to goodwill. I can't believe I have apparently never gotten rid of anything since high school! DH is being a bit of a pain about getting rid of stuff, he is such a pack rat, that I had to remind his last night when he moved in with me he had his clothes and one box of stuff, mostly computer and video games stuff, now he had a whole house full of crap, and he should be able to come off of some stuff to make room for our baby girl. I am still very excited to FINALLY get our nursery together.

My doctor's appt is today. I am sure they are just going to check BP and urine and ask about questions, so it shouldn't be too eventful. I am not looking forward to the next appt which is when I think they will begin to give exams for dilation. Somehow it still doesn't seem real. It is so crazy to look at the pic in the 31 week page and think how there's a small little version of DH & me growing inside me. I am so scared about being a mother! I have started researching on the internet and watching shows on tv about childbirth and parenting. I'm obsessed! I want to give my little girl the best life possible. And I don't mean material posessions. Everyone says it, but I want to be a better parent than my parents were. Here's hoping I don't screw things up too bad!