13-1-2009 - Just some random stuff

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

Well, first off let me start with a little bit of good news. I stopped by my sister's house this morning to get the invitations for my baby shower to give to the people I have invited from work. My sis made me one too to keep. I opened it when I got to work and cried! It is the most precious thing. The invite itself is shaped like a little pink striped onesie. She included glitter and stickers - she's a glitter and sticker whore lol - and there's a little fall out sheet that has a poem about babies. So here I am first thing in the morning at work and I am crying. I had to email them and let them know how beautiful they are and how thankful I am.

So yesterday. Yesterday was very eventful. Went to have my u/s. Baby is weighing in at 6lbs 4oz. My god! While we were waiting for the preliminary report to take to the doctor's office with us, the doctor's office called and let me know I had to reschedule because my doc had to run and do an emergency c section. So, I came back to work for about 2 hrs and then had to run back out to the doctors. She is a great doctor and her office skipped lunch to see the patients she missed. She came in apologizing saying she was examing a woman and instead of feeling the baby's head as usual, she felt the face so the baby had gotten turned and stuck. Anyways, she exclaimed how big my little one had gotten and when I expressed my concern she did tell me not to worry too much because u/s especially in the third trimester are very inaccurate. But she did also start to prepare me for the possibility of a c section. She said we would have one more u/s at 38 wks and then go from there. I am desperately praying for a vaginal birth. I have never even had a broken bone! And only a couple of stitches when I was a small child. It's not the actual procedure that scares me but the recovery. I don't want to be a new first time mother and hurt and not be able to enjoy my baby. Of course my mother made sure to tell me that she had a c section twice and didn't even take any pain pills and took care of my sister and I by herself. Well, whoop de doo! News flash! I am not you.

I have found myself ommitting info from my mom to make my life easier. The first thing she asked was about the weight and I ignored the question. When she asked again I just told her I didn't ask. Which was true - the tech offered the info. My mother for some reason seems tickled to death to have a large baby - maybe because she's not going to have to deliver her! - and can only constantly tell me that I am further along then the doctor thinks. Another news flash mother: you're not a doctor! Every sign and symptom I have she takes as proof that I am further along then I am. I keep telling her all the other women in my week are having the same issues. She won't listen. So, hence I have learned to keep my mouth shut for a more peaceful existence. :) Maybe I am just learning some patience that will be helpful down the road. I am beginning to regret asking her to take a week or so off and be with the baby and me but it's too late now. And this is her first true experience at being a grandmother, so I don't want to be selfish. I did tell DH yesterday that if I do have a c section no one is to be called or let hold the baby (except him) until I am out of recovery and get my time with her.

Oh! On the way to the doctor's appt, DH came and picked me up from work and we were run off the road by a dump truck! I was so scared. It was on DH's side of the car and if he hadn't of been quick and luckily got us off the road onto the curb, he would have been crushed! He remained amazingly calm thru the whole thing and didn't even blow his horn or honk. I on the other hand started bawling because all I could think about was OMG what if something happened to him. It really freaked me out. I can't imagine losing him now.

Well, all this worrying about leaking and not being able to breastfeed has gotten to me a little bit but I have begun leaking! Now I feel much better and think I will be able to care for my baby.

I have started having more cramps and more painful so I guess my body is getting ready for my little one to make her appearance. I still haven't registered at the hospital, taken breastfeeding classes, or even got the nursery together! And just about 6 wks left to go. Every night I go home and all I feel like doing is resting.

I am beginning to toy with the idea of actually having my baby at another hospital since DH's crazy mother knows where I said I was going to be delivering. My mother kept pressing the issue about inviting DH's mother and aunt to the shower so I finally had to let her know what happened at xmas so she would shut up. I didn't give details, just told her I was treated very badly and wouldn't be talking to them again. So then she started filling my mind with other worries about her showing up at my house and the hospital and telling me I needed to register under a fake name. I was like no, that's a little much. I did read and found out that I can do an "opt out" form so no one who calls the hospital will be told any info about me or the baby or that I am even at the hospital.

And that leaves me to the worst news I got yesterday. My dad has Hepatitis C (he got it from a blood transfusion before they tested for it) and has not been doing so well, but he's been doing better than expected for a while. Not so much anymore. I never knew the liver held the body together like it does. He has started throwing up blood because of bursting vessels in his throat and stomach and his body can no longer tolerate protein, so he is unable to eat meat of any kind. If he does he throws it up and gets violently ill. His tumor marker is way up which can either just be an indicator of his advanced disease or that it has led to cancer. His MELD score was 18, up from 12 last time - the higher up the worse it is. And to top it all off, they have told my dad he needs to lose 15 lbs before they will consider him a transplant possibility. I can understand if he was severely overweight, but the doctor actually said if he was to have to be rushed to the hospital he would not be listed because of the extra 15 pounds. Ugh! They just told him that since his body finds a lot of foods hard to digest and break down that sweets are the best thing for him to eat when he's sick since his body can handle those.

Anyways, it's just depressing knowing he won't be around for long after baby girl gets here.

And now I have said enough and wish anyone still enduring this long rant a healthy and happy new year!