13-2-2009 - Last day

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

So today is my last day of work. Can we say hallelujah? I walk in in a fairly good mood, knowing that I don't have to set foot in this place again until June 8th! Whew. Which is a really good thing seeing as I walk in past a huddle of coworkers who stare directly at my enormous belly and then tell me how they were expecting not to see me, but everyday I come in. Thanks. Then I am sitting here trying to work and another girl comes up behind me, stares at my belly and goes "oh, you're still pregnant". No more of this! I just need to make it thru the day.

So, last night I had a horrble dream. DH & I were arguing about his mother coming to the hospital. If you've read my previous blogs you know after the way his aunt and mother treated me during Christmas I told him they were absolutely not welcome in my hospital room. I have been dreading delivering my child because of the chaos and craziness that is going to ensue once she is born and the rest of his family find out. So, anyways, DH has said he understands but every time I mention that we need to sit down and figure out how the visiting at the hospital is going to go he avoids me and says that's something we need to decide after she's here. I know deep down he wants his mother and aunt to be there and that he somehow is thinking I am going to magically change my mind after she is born, but guess what? I'm not. I have tried to find it in myself to allow them to the hospital when she's born but I cannot make myself right with it. It hurts me because it upsets him and I want him to be happy, this is his first child, but I just can't do it. If they cannot be decent, normal, civil human beings to his wife, then they do not get visiting privileges with me or my child. Their own fault.

Well, the whole point of this was to say after I woke up thinking about this horrible dream and the even more horrible MIL who it was about, we are riding to work and it's not but like 7:15 in the morning and his phone rings. He never gets calls in the morning so I was like who is it. It's his mother. He doesn't answer it. He hasn't spoken to either of them around me since Christmas. I know he is talking to them, but at least I don't have to deal with it. He did tell me after Christmas that he had told his mother how his aunt acted to me and she said she was wrong for acting that way. I was like yeah, did you tell her how horrible she was too? Did you mention that? Of course he didn't. He didn't want to "put too much on her". Ugh. So today I am debating on putting together a list of people who are allowed to visit. I am already going to do the opt out form which doesn't let people find out that I am even in the hospital. So I am wondering if I should tell him he needs to put together a list of his family who he wants to be notified and put on the visitor list and I will do the same for my family and then we can take some time tonight and go over them together or what. I don't want to start a fight, but I also don't want to not talk about this and then all of a sudden after our daughter is born have his crazy mother pop up and start a fight and cause chaos on the happiest day of our lives.

Truthfully I am a little upset with him for being as nonchalant about it as he is. If someone in my family treated him the way I was treated, there would be no doubt in my mind that they wouldn't be welcome around us and I would make sure to tell them. But he has always been one for avoiding confrontation. So, anyways, I think I will go with the visitor list. And I also think I want to let people know in small groups so we don't end up with 20+ people in my room all at once.

So, back to work - I haven't told anyone but my manager and a couple of close friends here that today is my last day. I plan to just disappear and avoid the craziness! I am excited to be able to stay at home for a while and get things together and cleaned up and ready for baby. I keep looking at her last u/s pic and she is so precious. I can't wait to kiss her little chubby cheeks!