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03-4-2009 - Men are assholes...opinions please

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

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So, DH has been acting weird lately. I thought at first it was me, but maybe it isn't just a postpartum hormonal woman issue. I have felt so disconnected from him and seriously just don't know what's going on. He keeps saying everything is fine. I thought at one time, maybe still do, that a small part of the issue is him not stepping up and being a father like he should. Afterall, he was the one who so desperately wanted children. Now it seems like I am the one who is completely bonded to our child and can't stand to be apart from her or have her out of my sight.
Well, last Friday she turned one month old. I thought it would be nice to take her for a visit to DH at work. I had imagined dressing her up in one of her cute outfits that says something about her daddy loving her or how she's a daddy's girl and us having lunch together and being the perfect little family. What the hell was I thinking? Maybe some cleaning fumes made me high or something lol. Well, so I call him and say the baby wants to come see you and blah blah blah and he basically tells me it's not a good time, that corporate is coming Monday and everyone is running around the office cleaning up and stuff. So I was hurt, and thought fine, my mom has been dying for me to bring the baby to her office so baby girl and I visited her and went out to lunch with her. It was a nice afternoon. I even felt a little nicer when the guy at the cafe we ate in kept commenting on how beautiful baby girl is and then as we were leaving said bye beautiful baby and her beautiful momma. A girl needs all she can get when she feels like crap and still has baby weight and prebaby weight to lose.
So, that upset me. That night I told DH that since he didn't want us to visit we went to my moms and had a great time. He was like I didn't say I didn't want you to visit. Ok, so you didn't exactly say it but you sure as hell implied it and hurt my feelings.
Well, the other night I said something about how we needed more formula. He said there's some in the car. He had been to the store earlier that day and I thought it was weird that he didn't bring the formula in with the rest of the stuff but just thought it forgot about it. I asked him to bring it in and when he did I noticed it was 2 cans (not the kind you can buy) and it said "not intended for resale" on them - they were samples. I asked him why he got two different kinds (wondering in my head why he didn't say where he got them) and he said "I got the two kinds because the one is supposed to be gentler on her stomach". Since he still didn't offer up where they came from I asked him where he found cans to buy since I had never seen them in the store. He told me he got them from someone at work. I thought he had acted a little strange about the whole thing, like he was avoiding telling me where they came from. That afternoon I was in the bedroom with the baby and his phone was lying beside the bed. So I checked out his messages. There was one from a girl he used to work with AT HIS LAST JOB until she quit and left several months before he did, saying that she had gotten 2 cans of formula in the mail and wondered if he wanted them. I know this girl, we went out with her and her husband several times. Why would he feel the need to lie about where the formula came from? Why wouldn't he just say Mandi gave them to me. The only thing I can come up with is because he would have had to meet her and get them since they don't work together anymore. I had felt odd before about how good of friends they were since one night a couple of years ago we were trying to spend some time together and watch a movie and she called in the evening needing help setting up something on her computer and he totally dropped our night together to spend the next several hours on the phone and computer with her working out her issues.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe he is actually cheating as in having sex with anyone. He comes right home from work and I seriously don't believe he would do that. But it has made me wonder if there's feelings there. I haven't comfronted him about the lie yet. I don't even know if it's worth it. I don't want to come out and say I went thru his text messages and I know even if he admits where he got it he'll just work it around to where it's like I am paranoid and he just didn't realize he didn't say who it was from.
What do you guys think? I am to the point, I think the same point several of us are at, where I just want to take my daughter and disappear with her. Right now she's the only good thing in my life.
And did I mention that the week after baby girl was born my father (who has hep c and is in the final stages of liver cirrhosis and waiting to be put on the transplant list after being told he has about a year left) went into the ER when my mom went home and found him incoherent and he had used the bathroom all over himself and coughed up blood and he didn't know where he was or who anyone was. Well, I called mom and she told me what was going on and I started crying, since I have read and know that when the end comes he will go into a hepatic coma and not wake up and I thought this was it. Well DH comes over and hugs me for like 2 minutes and then tells me to get dressed and he will drive me to the ER. So he did and I stayed until my dad was somewhat stabilized and he came back and got me. I was exhausted so I told him I was going to go to bed and did he want me to take the baby. He said no, he would watch her and wake me up when she needed to eat. I told him I really needed some sleep (I have been the only one feeding her, including getting up every hour and a half or two hours at night) so would he just feed her a bottle. Well, I woke up about an hour and a half later with the baby screaming in the bassinet beside the bed and he had put a fucking bottle on the nightstand. Seriously? He should have just said no, just take her because I am a complete asshole who refuses to take care of my daughter for two hours while my wife rests. When I called him on this later he said he knew it must be awful to deal with my dad being sick (he was in ICU for a few days and after a couple of days of being pumped full of meds he eventually came around and knew what year it was and what was going on) but he didn't know what he could do. Maybe a little affection?
There have been more fights - one where he said he had been trying to help me out and help with the housework. I had to call him on this one and ask exactly what he had helped with since I don't ask him to do anything and the one thing I did ask him to do - sweep up the dustpile I had gathered after sweeping the whole house and sack up the trash - still wasn't done 2 days later, he simply put a new trashbag beside the trash can to collect the overflow. I ended up sacking up the trash and cleaning up the dustpile. When I called him on this he said he didn't say he had done a lot. That got the best of me. He hadn't done anything was the whole point. And here I go - I am going to bitch about one more thing before I finally shut up - our bedroom toliet has been leaking for months. I have constantly asked him to fix it. We even went about a month or more ago and spent like $30 on all new insides for the thing. The toliet is still leaking onto the floor. I seriously am worrying about the floor being rotted and me falling thru it trying to use the bathroom one night. Divorce is sounding better and better because right now it seriously feels like I am a single parent like so many of us are discovering is our new life - single parent with a freaking husband or SO.

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6 Comments on Men are assholes...opinions please


jdubb - Wednesday, 14 Jul
Girl I can relate. I could have written a million blogs like your's how about my bf doesn't even have a job again. Oh yea, I definitely feel your pain.

Julopez17 - Sunday, 5 Apr
Sorry to hear that I agree, men are assholes!!! I don't think he's cheating, but I definitely would keep my eyes open.. Men are dogs... My husband was the same way. He said he wanted to have children and never lifted a finger. I was up all night with the baby and I still do everything for my little angel bug. He basically does nothing, but flip the tv remote. I wish he would help more and I don't know what's ever going to come of it. We are in counseling right now, so I hope things get better. My son doesn't like him very much and he is only 16 months. If my husband touches him, he has a heart attack hahah!! He knows his mama does everything and he respects me for that. I hope things get better. Oh and my husband has a woman he works with that texts him stupid stuff. I try to bite my tongue it's hard, but keep the eyes open.. I'm glad the baby is doing good. If he don't help then ask him and if he refuses then just know your the mom and she needs you!! Stay strong if you need me message me

daffy - Saturday, 4 Apr
I agree, men are assholes. I have my own problems here too, unfortunatly. My partner is wonderful with his two baby boys, so that s not the prob- he just doesnt get along very well with my two older children that are from previous relationships. There have been many times.... soooo many times that i have just wanted to leave him. But i havent. I think your man really does need to help you out more with the house work and your baby girl- that is the least he can do after you going through 9 months of hard pregnancy then giving birth and with your father sick and all. I wonder why he didnt just tell you about his friend giving him the formula. Something going on there if you ask me- i mean really what the
big deal if nothings going on? Any way, good luck with everything, i hope you guys work things out.

Miracle 3 - Saturday, 4 Apr
Star sorry to hear about how you are feeling hurt and upset. I really do think your hubby loves you and is trying. I'm sure he is being honest about wanting you both to come to lunch with him but it not being a good time. ( has happend with my hubby before too) Ask if he would like to plan it sometime in the next couple sweeks so he can show off his beautiful daughter and enjoy some time together! :-) Im guessing he would love to. I think men can be clueless sometimes and just need us to explain thngs to them cause their brains don't work the same way as womens do.. So honestly he is probably so in love with you and trying to please you but is confused why you are upset with him and probably hurt as well... He may have misunderstood the formual question.. Not that he shouldn't be complelty honest but was probably stating just the fact that on kind was supposed to be more gentle on the tummy. Totally don't even let your mind thing divorce.. Not worth it!!! You will be WAY happier if you work through it with him. each phase of life there are bumps but you can do it!!!!!

lilmamaaua - Friday, 3 Apr
Star it's 8.30pm on Fri night. I'm home alone with Kai as I am every night. Kai is now 5 weeks and 2 days old and in that time JP has spent the grand total of one evening with us. He gets home after 9pm every night and then had a week in NY. I am completely with you on the feeling of being a single parent and it sucks. I feel so bad for Kai as he is the one missing out on bonding with his Daddy. JP is clueless how to act with him and care for him. We're also not getting along and last night had an argument as I asked where he put the birth cert as he was taking care of that stuff at the hospital and he told me to go and get him another one...I asked where it was and he repeated for me to get him another one and then as he would not admit that he lost it I asked him again and he told me to stop being so fucking annoying! Bad move on his part.. Cue silent treatment which is still ongoing.... Men are assholes I agree and will gladly run away with you and Lorelei.
I would just ask hubby again about where he got the formula samples and then if he lies about it then maybe I'd just keep an eye on it. If there really was something going on then he wouldn't be coming home after work nor would she be texting him offering formula samples I'd think.
I hope our men get their thumbs out of their asses and start appreciating us. I won't wait round long the way things are right now... xxxxx

Nevaehs Mommy - Friday, 3 Apr
im sorry to hear about the problems ur having with ur husband men are inconsiderate they think they do so much for us when really they do so little the only good thing that comes from them is the seed they plant in us to make are beautiful babies!!! I hope things get better for u and if they dont try leaving to ur parents house give him a good scare and maybe hel open up his eyes to what a wonderful lady u are and help out more with teh house work and ur daughter, hope everything works out for you in teh end have a good weekend xox