25-2-2010 - Worst day of my life!

My mood while writing this blog: stunned!

Right i really need to offload so i needed to write this blog....Im still so shocked and stunned about today's events and need to get it off my chest so here goes........(warning long blog, But need to get it all down!)

Today started off as any other got up 7am got ready, Took Elisha to school, Danyal sleeps on this journey and i get home feed, wash and change him then i have brekkie, Do some jobs round the house, Blah, blah, blah, So we had to go do something for Mo, And pick up my mom and take her to my old house (where she lived up until sunday) As in her new place she has no washer yet and needed to wash the clothes she left at mine in the machine so i stayed there with her until the 2 loads were done then the plan was to take her home and take a few smaller items that she left at the house in the boot of my car so that the house is empty apart from kitchen appliances, Carpets, cutains etc that are staying with my house while it goes up to let, So i had my pram in the boot and all the things would not fit with it in so it needed to come out so i removed it and left it at the old house whilst i dropped them off at their new place with their things and her clean laundry, So i thought right-o i'll go pick up my pram just incase so headed back alone to my old house Danyal had fell to sleep again! I must of bored him so i thought i'll pull the car on the drive right outside the front window i won't disturb him i'll only be 2 seconds, plus i can't carry him and the pram anyway so i locked the car, got the pram and was back with a minute, Opened the boot tried to collapse the pram but it wouldn't collapse so i was getting annoyed so needed to put the car keys down for a sec so i could collapse the pram easier so i placed the keys inside the boot at this point Danyal woke and started to fuss so that put pressure on me to hurry (Stupidly in a rush i hadn't made a mental note to myself that the keys were in the boot) And with Danyal crying and in my cardi pocket i felt some weight as though my car keys were in there i asumed they were and shut the boot to rush to see if my son was alright as he woke up all upset, On closing the boot dread came over me when i realised it wasn't my car keys in my pocket it was my phone and old house keys!!!!! OMG!! Panic set in as he was locked in! My keys in the boot still the car LOCKED And i couldn't get in!!!

What had happened was i locked the car but when i opened it to put the pram in i only pressed the boot release button instead of all doors GRRRRR! This is a stupid feature that Ford thought was a good idea so that when you have your shopping you can just open the boot not the doors saves anyone just hopping in your car and trying to hitch a ride or steal your car i suppose, Anyway i should of opened all doors but am still not used to this new car fully yet, And cause i didn't closing the boot without getting my keys out meant all was locked in and i was locked out!!! I was panicking all i could see was my little boy crying his eyes out wanting his mommy he was all wrapped up to with a blanket in his car seat so he couldn't get his arms out the blanket he was crying so bad, I started crying to i was hysterical i NEVER let him cry i always comfort him, As when he cries like he did in that car he comes out in blotches everywhere! And bloodshot red eyes i could see real tears streaming down his face i just wanted to smash the car window in to get to him all i could do was keep talking to him and try to re-assure him i'll get to him soon this was 1.30pm and he was due a feed at 2pm and he must of been thirsty all this kept going round in my head and i just wanted to scream, so what i did straight away was to call Mo as he could go get the spare set of keys from our house and open the car without me having to damage it! (but to be honest i was willing to i didn't care!) He was working miles away at least 45mins away driving fast then he's have to stop off and get the keys and come to me, He was working and had to say to the old lady 'sorry i have an emergency' And had to leave as i was breaking down to him saying his son was crying and i couldn't get to him, i thought he'd be mad but he was wonderful about it and got to me really fast but it felt like hours he ran red lights and blasted his horn to get people to move out of his way as his little man was in trouble, Im so lucky he didn't have an accident the speed he was going but all he could see was his son crying his eyes out!

In the meantime i needed to keep Danyal amused somehow so i kept smiling at him through the tears and kept tapping the glass and talking to him but the more he cried i wanted to cry i felt helpless :( So i called my mom to come help i needed someone to help keep Danyal amused so she came in a taxi within minutes and her and her bloke Mark talked to him through the glass and it helped abit Mark even went to neighbours with Ford's to try their key in my door (i knew the central locking wouldn't work) But older cars keys used to open the door only not start ignition, It was a long shot but hey we was desperate, But nope didn't work! 2 cars pulled up and buses went past don't know what they or the neighbours thought but i bet it looked real bad, then out of those cars some people going round the houses for your vote in the local elections had a Ford and again Mark asked can we try your key that man tried to no luck! They saw me distressed and tried to help the one called the police and fire brigade to maybe get the doors open somehow, But all the time i was praying Mo found the spare key that i remembered where i put it in a 'safe place!' Usually with me never to be found again! And it felt like an eternity i was close to passing out with the goings on it was out of my control and all i wanted was my baby in my arms i felt so stupid it was unreal!

Then 5 minutes later the police arrived with Mo hot on the tail and he opened the doors i flew in the car and grabbed my baby out the car and hugged him so tight and cried and cried! At this point in time i had a huge crowd of people round me and the police asking if all was ok now, they could go now job done i got my baby! He was so happy when we got him out he had a huge smile across his face and started to screach as if to say about time the burst out laughing! His face red and tear streaked face! Ooh forgot to mention he was crying so bad in the car he started to choke and cough at that point in time i got a brick and was about to put the glass through when he stopped and was ok, and some stupid person freaked me out more by saying theres no air in that car so i panicked more thinking OMG!! He's gonna die, Oh i was as i put in the title the worst, most traumatic day of my life, For both of us since i had him he has never come to any danger i know things happen but i feel so bloody stupid i hate myself now and can't stop thinking about what happened i feel like a bad mom or something as i say i never let him get distressed, and all he wanted was me to pick him up he's such a mommy's boy! I will never, EVER forget this till the day i die! I now in hiensight i should slow up and stop running around all the time and take notice of what im doing and stop to think and make a note of what iv'e done, I know all said and done when life gets crazy its easy under pressure to make mistakes but i'll never let this happen to me again! I adore my precious little boy and i hope he doesn't remember this day i think i'll always feel guilty about it, Do you think im a bad mom?

Well thanks for listening to me gals your wonderful and thanks if you got to the end of this blog without loosing interest, Im so sad right now i keep thinking i don't deserve him, but im just punishing myself i wonder when i'll stop beating myself up about this *wipes a tear*

My mom was wonderful i must add i gave Danyal to Mo as soon as i had a cuddle and made sure he was ok and nearly collapsed in her arms she held me why i just broke down! I needed that Thanks MUM! x x