| steph2009 | |
| steph2009 has 23 days to go and is now in week 36 | |
 | Age: 28 Country: Australia Province/region: City: Partner: Yes Children: Pregnant: Yes Due date: 15 Dec ,2009 Occupation: Teacher |
| Online: 11 days ago. Last updated: 200 days ago. Member since: 228 days | |
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Well, as I sit here today, I am (I think?), 5w3d pregnant with my third child and, sadly, it hasn't even begun to sink in yet. I can grasp it intellectually, but in my heart... not even close. You see, last year I gave birth to my second son and he passed away in my arms just a few minutes after he was born. He suffered from a very rare kidney condition which, as the Doctor so sensitively put it, was "incompatible with survival". It has been six and a half months since he passed away, and, while I suspect that I have made it through the bulk of the out-of-control grief, the sadness still weighs on me heavily.
My partner and I decided that we were ready to try again in March, but admittedly, I didn't think it would happen straight away. I'm trying to see it as just a lucky break after months of very unlucky breaks, but it almost seems too good to be true. I'm just finding it so much harder than I expected. I think it's so hard because we won't find out if this next little one will suffer the same fate for at least another 12 weeks or so. It's not just that 12 weeks seems like an eternity, but I'm not sure how to go about connecting with the little one until I know it can stay with us... it sounds horrible I know, and it's certainly not an intentional thing, but the heart does crazy things to protect itself sometimes... I'm really hoping that next week, when I have my first u/s that I can start to allow some hope and excitement in... I don't want this pregnancy to be overwhelmed by all the sadness that has gone before...
Comments on Denial aint just a river in Egypt
| 14-4-2009 - Denial aint just a river in Egypt |  My mood while writing this blog:Ok |
Well, as I sit here today, I am (I think?), 5w3d pregnant with my third child and, sadly, it hasn't even begun to sink in yet. I can grasp it intellectually, but in my heart... not even close. You see, last year I gave birth to my second son and he passed away in my arms just a few minutes after he was born. He suffered from a very rare kidney condition which, as the Doctor so sensitively put it, was "incompatible with survival". It has been six and a half months since he passed away, and, while I suspect that I have made it through the bulk of the out-of-control grief, the sadness still weighs on me heavily.
My partner and I decided that we were ready to try again in March, but admittedly, I didn't think it would happen straight away. I'm trying to see it as just a lucky break after months of very unlucky breaks, but it almost seems too good to be true. I'm just finding it so much harder than I expected. I think it's so hard because we won't find out if this next little one will suffer the same fate for at least another 12 weeks or so. It's not just that 12 weeks seems like an eternity, but I'm not sure how to go about connecting with the little one until I know it can stay with us... it sounds horrible I know, and it's certainly not an intentional thing, but the heart does crazy things to protect itself sometimes... I'm really hoping that next week, when I have my first u/s that I can start to allow some hope and excitement in... I don't want this pregnancy to be overwhelmed by all the sadness that has gone before...
Comments on Denial aint just a river in Egypt
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05-11-2009 - tick tick tick tick
13-10-2009 - 7 weeks to go...
30-9-2009 - 29w1d
31-7-2009 - 20w3d
23-6-2009 - Bed side manner anyone?
22-6-2009 - another appointment
06-6-2009 - Three full bladders...
17-5-2009 - A ruddy nose...
14-5-2009 - There were three in the bed and the little one said...
09-5-2009 - Mother's Day
06-5-2009 - Things and stuff
04-5-2009 - More of the same
01-5-2009 - Seven Weeks and Four Days...
24-4-2009 - the sporadic nature of peace
24-4-2009 - An almost eerie feeling of peace
23-4-2009 - OMG
22-4-2009 - The second hurdle
18-4-2009 - Panic
18-4-2009 - "Sir, is she human?" Why yes, today I think she is.
16-4-2009 - If I close my eyes really tightly it's almost real...
14-4-2009 - Denial aint just a river in Egypt
05-11-2009 - tick tick tick tick
13-10-2009 - 7 weeks to go...
30-9-2009 - 29w1d
31-7-2009 - 20w3d
23-6-2009 - Bed side manner anyone?
22-6-2009 - another appointment
06-6-2009 - Three full bladders...
17-5-2009 - A ruddy nose...
14-5-2009 - There were three in the bed and the little one said...
09-5-2009 - Mother's Day
06-5-2009 - Things and stuff
04-5-2009 - More of the same
01-5-2009 - Seven Weeks and Four Days...
24-4-2009 - the sporadic nature of peace
24-4-2009 - An almost eerie feeling of peace
23-4-2009 - OMG
22-4-2009 - The second hurdle
18-4-2009 - Panic
18-4-2009 - "Sir, is she human?" Why yes, today I think she is.
16-4-2009 - If I close my eyes really tightly it's almost real...
14-4-2009 - Denial aint just a river in Egypt
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