Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

24-4-2009 - An almost eerie feeling of peace

My mood while writing this blog: happy

---

I've had a little more than 24hrs to digest the 'double' news, and, strangely, I'm feeling surprisingly peaceful. Logically, I know that there is a greater risk of miscarriage (and various other complications) with a multiple pregnancy, but that's where the anxiety seems to be resting - in my head, rather than in my heart. A little unexpected that's for sure. Maybe I'm heading back for another trip down the River Nile... there's definitely a bit of me that thinks my anxiety has just gone into hiding out of self-preservation. The only thing that crops up in my research that makes me feel a little concerned is the 'vanishing twin' phenomenon. Basically, a vanishing twin is a miscarried twin that is 'reabsorbed' by the mother and generally it does not affect the remaining twin. Quite common, very odd, a little creepy, and terrifying to consider... so I'll try not to...

Perhaps the most bizarre thing about the 'twin news', however, is that it has somehow pushed back concerns about absent kidneys (the reason my baby son Zander passed away late last year)... yet it seems as though we have double the risk that one of the babies will have the same condition as Zander. Am I in denial or is my intuition just letting me know that all will be well? I guess only time will tell...

In amongst all of the wondering and pondering and considering though... every now and again (and I mean only every now and again... lol), my inner eye catches a glimpse of what life (and my family and my heart and my brain, and so on and so forth ad nauseum) might look like with two tiny little people in it... I can't even begin to describe how that image - however briefly it lingers - makes me feel... there just aren't any words that can come even close to describing it... Could we be that lucky after so much bad luck? Does the world really work that way? Is there some sort of karmic balancing system out there - you know, if you have it really rough for a while then you're likely to have it good for a while too... or is it like the lottery... you're chances are the same every time you roll the dice? See how exhausting it can be to live in my head? lol...

...time for bed me thinks...

---

Comments on An almost eerie feeling of peace