Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

09-5-2009 - Mother's Day

My mood while writing this blog: bit sad

---

This time last year I was two weeks away from falling pregnant with my Zander. Today, therefore, should have been my very first mother's day with him. Sadly, it is not. All that I have left of him is a photo album, a box of his belongings and a very heavy feeling in my heart. The mixed emotions that come with being pregnant again are hard to explain. On the one hand, I am still very much grieving for my boy. On the other, I am blissfully happy that I am pregnant with twins. I guess the most difficult part is that there is no parallel universe in existence where I could have both - if Zander was here with me the twins would never have existed, and without Zander here they do. I guess all I know is that it hurts like hell - and it hurts just as much as it did seven months ago. In an effort to pay tribute to my beautiful little man, therefore, I shall end today's blog with an excerpt from the eulogy I read at his funeral...

And finally, to the reason we are all here today, for my youngest son, Zander. This is perhaps the part where the words will escape me the most so I will try to keep it brief. To my littlest man, I wish to say that for five months of my short life your presence was the lens through which I encountered the world. From the moment I woke in the morning, to the very moment that my consciousness descended into sleep at night, you were the bright spark that lit up the very core of my being. And, when you entered the world, while you couldn’t stay with us for long, during those precious few moments that you fought for life, and, even as you slipped irretrievably from our grasp, your soul glowed with such a fierce and pure light that your being has been forever imprinted on mine. I want you here with us so very much and knowing that can never be fills me with an ache that I can hardly bear. I love you more than words could ever express and I will miss you for all of time.

---

Comments on Mother's Day