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31-7-2009 - 20w3d

My mood while writing this blog: Pregnant

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Two more days and I shall be officially further along in my pregnancy than I was when little Zander was born last year. It's hard to believe that at this point last time, a mere ten months ago, I was just about to begin 32 hours of the saddest labour a woman can experience. Thankfully, it looks as though I may not have to go through that again....

My many specialist appointments have revealed that both of my boys have functioning kidneys and a bladder each. One of the beans only has a single umbilical artery - which, despite no obvious concern on behalf of the specialist, continues to worry me - but aside from that, everything else looks 'normal'. So, without any ground for worry, my need to be anxious is seeking fuel through my newest concern - that of preterm labour... go figure. My anxiety may give me the sh*ts, but I remain vaguely amused by how persistent it is...

I have to say, though, that this is a strange time in a pregnancy. You are through most of the major obstacles - the fear of miscarriage during the first 12 weeks, the anomaly scan at 20 weeks to check that all is well and you have felt many reassuring kicks (in my case, having two in there means that my whole abdomen appears to have a life of its own!) - yet knowing that the promise of "viability" is still 3.5 weeks away is still a very sobering thought. I'll be very happy when that milestone has been reached. But, I guess that even when that has been reached I will find some other reason to worry. It is the cross that mothers bear I guess. I still recall a well known Australian celebrity, upon the birth of her first child, saying "the world can really hurt me now". And she's right. Once you have children your love for them makes you more vulnerable than anything else ever could. Living with that vulnerability is so hard sometimes. But damn it's worth it. I just hope my boys arrive safely so that they can make me worry for the rest of my life.

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2 Comments on 20w3d


sirat - Monday, 3 Aug
Have Faith...This time too shall pass. I am east Indian and we beleive in the indestructibility of the soul...maybe its Zander arriving again...Have Faith in God...and yourself...

jennamoz - Saturday, 1 Aug
Congratulations on the half-way mark! The rest goes by so fast. You'll be amazed. Just take it easy and take very good care of yourself. The rest is not up to you, but in our Heavenly Father. Take care!