Members

As a member you'll be able to receive and send messages, keep your own photobook, agenda, ask questions, participate in the chat, and make new friends. All is free and you don't need email.
Sign up (free & anonymous)

Name: Password:

---

Activity
• Now online | Member search | New members | Comment Spy
• New blogs & Questions | Recently updated profiles
• New photos: Pregnancy | Babies | Bellies | Ultrasound | Member pages
• Latest comments: Forums | Week by week | Baby development

Write a new blog

---

19-12-2009 - feeling depressed

My mood while writing this blog: sad

---

Its xmas day on Friday and i feel i should be excited for my childeren. Well i am but i am feeling guilt (lots of it!) as i should have been celebrating my sons first xmas with us! instead this will be his first xmas in heaven. I am feeling guilty with me being pregnant again too and i think it could be those weird things again called 'hormones'!!! I keep thinking would i be having this baby if i had my little boy?? so you can see why i feel guilty. Does anyone else feel the same way or is this just me? I have started to bond with this baby already and i love him/her so much but i hate feeling this way! I have even thought i might have a touch of pre natal depression! As i feel guilty for being happy with this pregnancy and dont seem to be able to do anything properly (or so i think anyway) i dont like going out and would rather hide away in my bed if i could. I feel as tho im not paying much attention to my husband either and i feel so bad for him as he is doing everything for me and the kids. I hope this is just a temporary thing because he doesnt deserve me being moody all the time. Im pretty sure it is just the fact that im pregnant and grieving at the same time. Think i might mention this to my midwife and see what she thinks. Thats when i see her as i dont see her very often at all which is another thing that annoys me! i havent a direct contact number for her and i see someone different everytime i go to the hospital so i have to explain my self over and over again.

---

4 Comments on feeling depressed


foreverMe - Tuesday, 22 Dec
I think its normal to feel the way you do, its part of what makes us able to bond and grow. There natural feelings. Its apparent your a good mommy and you have allot of love to give but you have to keep in mind that everything happens for a reason, right or wrong its all apart of gods plan. This doesnt make it any easier for you, me or anyone else but its just how things work out sometimes. Maybe you can mark the day your lil one passed or would have been born as a special day that your family and you do something extra special in rememberance of him. Kinda like having your feelings but being able to do something positive so that maybe the feelings arent consuming you. I know its hard though. I do the opposite and try to not think about his/her absence. However I catch myself remembering everytime I get pregnant again and have to specify how many times I have been pregnant! Hang in there. Lots of hugs and i hope you feel better. =]

roosa - Sunday, 20 Dec
Sweetie, I think what you are feeling is very common when being pregnant and grieving at the same time. I had gotten through the worst part of my grief before I got pregnant again (13 months had passed) but I can imagine having all those mixed feelings would be very hard and I think talking to your midwife about it is a very good idea. Also, I ended up seeing a counselor 9 months after my loss, just 5 times, and it made all the difference. I think the fact that we tell ourselves we should be doing better only makes us feel worse, and we need someone to tell us it's okay to feel what we feel for as long as we feel it (I am telling you this now) and then it's easier to move forward. Contrary to you I don't feel all in love with this baby and I feel guilty about that. I know I will love him as soon as I hold him in my arms but I wish I could feel this love now. All the complications and being on bed rest has robbed me from the joy a normal pregnancy gives. Keep hanging in there and don't be afraid to seek help. xox Karin

girlinterrupted - Sunday, 20 Dec
Hi hun,I know exactly how you are feeling. Finley's due date was the 13th dec so this should of been his first xmas. I also feel guilty about this pregnancy, I feel bad when I'm hoping this baby will be ok because I shouldn't be pregnant - I should have a newborn but then I feel guilty for thinking that too. It's hard to balance out isn't it? I want Finley but I want this baby too...

Amalthea - Saturday, 19 Dec
I know how you are feeling..somewhat... i should be 13 weeks pregnant and feel guilty that he or she isnt in my tummy anymore... and i feel like its ruining the holiday spirit and my sons bday (which is today) .. all i can think about is, i should be preggo right now and loving the holidays!! and shareing our news with friends and family.... sigh... Big Hugs... take each day one at a time... i dont have a lot of time to be sad about it.. i have a wonderful 2 year old that keeps me busy every day... take comfort in your family...they love you and want you to be happy... :)