sweetnsmokin's I-am-pregnantblog

sweetnsmokin
	Age: 26 Country: USA Province/region: City: Buford Partner: Joel ~ my love ~ Children: Yes, 3 Pregnant: Yes Due date: 09 Jun ,2009 Occupation: waitress, maid, driver, cook, personal assistant, hair dresser, coordinator, athlete.... typical mom stuff.... lol
	Online: More than 3 months ago Last updated: Nothing added yet. Member since: 1213 days
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22-10-2008 - pregnancy guilt?

My mood while writing this blog:
confused

I have 3 kids. 2 boys and 1 girl. They are 5, 7 and 9. My daughter is the 7 year old. My problem is that Im not sure what to do. Shortly after having my youngest child, I had an ovary rupture. I was taken in for emergency surgery and my right ovary was removed. While they were in there they drained 3 softball sized cysts on my left ovary. I was told that because of the cysts, my ovary would not produce any eggs. It was pretty much just there so I would not start menopause at the ripe old age of 22. Here I am, now 8 weeks pregnant. I really honestly just dont know how to feel about this. Im so lost. For some reason I feel like if I enjoy this pregnancy I will be betraying my kids. They are super excied about having a baby in the house. My husband is just supportive of my feelings. I know he is not going to say how he feels until I feel the same way he does. (He was the one who wanted a farm so we would have enough room to have like 10 kids!!!!) I am just so frustrated with this whole thing, and that makes me feel even more guilty because I know there are soooo many people out there who would give the world to have a baby. Dont get me wrong here, I will not have an abortion, and adoption is not an option, but Im just so torn. Half of me wants to sit and cry because I love everything about my life. We are finally financially stable, in a nice house, in a nice town, got the soccer mom minivan and all. You would think that this would be the time that most people would try to conceive. But not me. The other half of me is saying "get excited too!!!" Everyone else is soooo happy for me, and that this baby is obviously here for a reason so why not just enjoy having another bundle of joy to play with and teach and love.... Then I wobble back to the dark side. UGH! The crying, morning sickness, sore swollen breasts, gas, constant urination and worst of all I cant button my pants. Please, if anyone is going through anything like this and has any advice, I am all ears. Thanks for listening.

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