22-9-2008 - so frustrated... =(

My mood while writing this blog: frustrated

sometimes i get so upset with my family. yea they are helping me and the baby out but it gets a bit much sometimes. i especially get frustrated at my mom. whenever i try to do something with my son she tends to take over it doesn't matter what it is, feeding him, just hanging out with him, changing him, she just shoves me aside and takes over. whenever she talkes to the baby sometimes she uses my first name whenever she's talking about me and i get so upset about it. none of my family understands why i get upset but it does upset me because im already feeling like he's not even really my son. my mom treats him like her baby more than i do. its no wonder that i feel that way.

just this morning i was a bit cranky becuase the baby was a little fussy last night and i didn't get much sleep and they wre saying 'its like you don't want anything to do with him' i havent really gotten a chance to bond with him, what do they freaking expect!? i dont even want to breastfeed the baby anymore. my mom always grabed hold of the baby whenever i tried to breastfeed him saying that im not producing enough milk. how in the hell does she know how much im producing??

yea im hardly producing any now since the baby wasn't at the breast from the beginning but she doesn't understand that. its her fault that i dont really want to breastfeed anymore. NOW whe wants me to breastfeed him which isn' gonna happen since he already drinks up to 7 oz already, and i barely pump 2, sometimes 3 on a good day. i can't even store it since she gives the milk that i do pump to the baby so i cant even build up a supply for when he really needs it. it really pisses me off. this isn't really helping. im just getting more upset just thinking about it. =(