24-10-2008 - Ravaged Bliss

My mood while writing this blog: contemplative

I've gained weight my whole life. I graduated high school at 105, got married at 18 and within two years of that and college was around 115, and then depo caused a steady 5 year weight gain. Slow and steady. I was up above 155, which was like, my "I have to do something if it gets to that point" number. I got pregnant. And I expected to come out of it way up there. Instead I lost weight from morning sickness, GD, and cholestasis. I was at 165 right after childbirth and down below 150 within two weeks. I'm comfortable with my size and don't feel a need to lose weight, but I TELL YOU!!!, my body TOO is ruined from stretch marks! And my breasts will NEVER be what they used to be! And I really don't care all that much, which makes me think either I must feel that it is a small price to pay for such a wonderful thing as D. (Which of course I do!) OR I really had no idea what my comfort level with my body was, but to see it totally changed makes you realize something wonderful and BIOLOGICAL has happened! Life springing from life and yet ever inching toward death. I see my body aging and obviously rapidly changing from pregnancy and it makes me realize I'm getting older, but it's almost a badge of honor in an odd way. But who really has time to think of such things when we all have these **GLORIOUS** babies in our lives?! Lord knows, I only gave it a moment's thought! HAHAHA! :)