28-10-2009 - Full of doubt and emotion

My mood while writing this blog: Ok

I just feel a mess today. Last night while sleeping I felt really hot and so I didn't sleep too good. I kept thinking what if this baby isn't going to make it? Maybe I am being too confident too soon. There is still a chance that it can go. It made me feel really sad! I'm sad now and I can't stop crying.

So then I woke up around 3am to pee and I freaked out because usually I am up by 12:30 to pee and so I thought what if my body is changing because the baby isn't going to make it? I wouldn't need to pee so much.

I know that it's out of my hands but it still makes me sad. I think all this time of being sick and tired, and putting on weight and what if???

When I finally got out of bed this morning my husband was very lovable and kept wanting to hug and kiss me and all I wanted was my cup of coffee. Just one sip. I let him hug and kiss me and went to fill the sugar shaker and then put a teaspoon in my coffee and the cup was gone. He took it thinking I poured it for him and I just blew! I made him give it back to me instead of just pooring another cup. Then the tears, I couldn't stop crying because I felt so bad for my nuttyness. I really feel crazy today and this dark cloud is just hanging over me. I hope I'll feel better when I go to work and start walking my mail route. It is supposed to be a beautiful day today, 50's and sunny.

THanks for listening and love you ladies!